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by BadGalAli

Double Shot At Love Episode 3 Recap: Someone’s Future Wife Bites Their Toenails

I am so excited that show exists. It’s all of the best parts of Jersey Shore, meaning mostly DJ Pauly D.

We start this episode with someone vacuuming. I could never live in a house with like 20 other girls on reality TV. If someone turned a vacuum cleaner in my presence before 11am I would hit them with a mean left hook. It would probably actually make good reality TV so I guess I should probably try it.

Holly, this seasons “stalker” who accused him of cheating last episode, is scaring Pauly off by talking about how many kids she wants to have with him and how she would be a great mother after knowing each other for just about 2 days. I truly would vote for DJ Pauly D for President.

Pauly D and Vinny take the girls to a boardwalk to be more in their natural habitat. Watching them ride these rinky dink rides set up by some local 18 year old stoner was vomit city for me. I’d gladly be like oh go ahead and ride with Vinny I’ll hold your bag.

Pauly picks Suzi for some more one on one time, and I’m not sure we deserve the torture of listening to this conversation. Luckily we only have to listen to 3 Suzi giggles before they just start sucking face. Pauly’s #2 stalker Nikki is not going to be happy about this. And she’s wearing a metallic leather jacket tonight.

The house decides to have a hot tub party, which again, sounds awful. All of that HPV in one hot tub cannot be sanitary. The hot tub party quickly turns into a battle as some of the other girls are trying to have another tub party, a bath tub party upstairs in the house. I think a bath tub party is just an orgy though.

The next morning, Nikki is still crying because Pauly is dating other girls on the 3rd episode of their MTV reality dating show. Nikki this isn’t even ABC you gotta be able to roll with this shit if you want to be in the MTV family. She’s threatening to leave the house but Pauly walks over and gives her some attention, so naturally she’s staying.

During the day’s challenge, they set up a fake tshirt store outside the house. I guess we are just going to regurgitate every single Jersey Shore inside joke, and I fucking love it. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. There are a bunch of tshirts hanging with different facts about each girl. In teams they must match up the “dirty laundry” to the girl. We learn some interesting facts about these ladies including a toe nail biter, someone with hairy toes and that Marissa unknowingly dated a gay stripper. Far and away the fan favorite has to be Marissa, she was made for this show.

After a group picnic that was more insightful than any group date on The Bachelor ever, the guys head to the barber shop to get a tight fade and decide who is going home in tonight’s cab ceremony. By my calculations that’s 3 haircuts so far, averaging about 1 per day.

When are we going to start getting one on one dates? As they start to text random groups of girls down to meet their fate I’m not sure what’s going to happen because I don’t know any of these girls. They give stalker #1 Holly another Double Shot At Love, and #2 stalker Nikki gets pulled aside to make sure she is a real ride or die bitch like Pauly needs. Eventually the tall girl Victoria who they asked to come out of her shell last week gets notified her cab is heah. I have no idea if these guys actually like any of the girls, but we do know Holly bites her toenails so this show is already worth it.

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

 

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