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What’s The Proper ‘Found A Cell Phone’ Protocol?

CEO Joe

The top 3 hardest questions to answer. How was the universe created? What happens after we die? And what do I do with this cell phone I just found? Just a total no win situation for both you and the cell phone loser.

They are in a panic. No idea where their lifeline to literally the entire world is. It’s one of the worst feelings you can have, right up there with losing your wallet or getting shot. You have to stop everything you’re doing and turn into Macgyver. Retracing your steps, asking friends to use their phone to call yours or the ultimate I’m screwed move, having to log into “lost my iphone”. (I’m not sure if droid people have a lost your phone app. I assume they do but it’s 2019, grow up.)

If you’re the finder of said lost phone your day is ruined too. You all of a sudden have to jump into action. Just a laundry list of responsibilities you want nothing to do with. You were just about to go to lunch too, now you have to go searching for the person that owns this mystery phone with a dog wearing a hat as their wallpaper. We need more clues mystery phone!

This question is on the top of my mind this Tuesday because I found myself in that exact situation at the airport. Minding my own business and God decided to intervene. I go to the bathroom, I went stall because there wasn’t many people in the bathroom and don’t judge me. Everything is going great. Got a strong steam cooking, I look to my right and what do I see, some jack wagon’s phone.

Now I had two options here.

  1. Take the phone and give it to the information desk. Hand it off like a hot potato and it becomes their problem. My hesitation with that is if I were the dumbass that left the phone in the stall, I would go first back to that stall. If I got there with no phone in sight the first thought is some scumbag stole it and it’s on it’s way to ebay.
  2. The other option is leave the phone right where it is. Hope that DA is the first one to the stall and not a low life crawling around the Philadelphia airport. It’s the riskier play because anyone could wonder in there. His entire life could be stolen and I’d be partly to blame. Would that make me an accomplice in the eyes of the law? I have no idea but I’m not ruling it out.

It was a tough call but I went with my gut and trusted my instincts. I looked that phone right in it’s face and I turned right around. Acted like I never even saw it. Just like the police officer in The Town. Turned my head, not my chair not my problem. (Drinking out of cups reference for the true ones.)

At the end of the day I’m not going to lose any sleep over someone else’s phone. After I hit publish on this I’ll never even think of it again. Hope that mystery man found his phone but if he didn’t I still feel great about my decision. The fact I even thought about grabbing it and finding him makes me a hero. I wasn’t the antagonist stealing the phone in this story. No, I was the protagonist, unsung hero. I almost took that phone and missed my flight just to track him down. That’s pretty brave if you ask me.

Final decision: You find someone else’s phone don’t touch it. Don’t even look at it. Don’t try and call their last contact or hand it over to anyone. Leave that shit right where you found it and walk away.

-JP

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