Warning: the image you are about to see is very graphic. If you are often finding yourself overwhelmed by thiccness, you might not want to look at all.
Ezekiel Elliott is not quite summer body ready yet. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We still have plenty of time left to get back into the gym and get a sick pack good enough to wear a crop top all summer. If Zeke doesn’t say it’s time to get back in gear, I’m not doing it yet.
At Von Miller Day? Ezekiel Elliott debuted a cool new portrait tattoo of…himself. Possibly in an attempt to preserve the image of him as a fit young fella dominating the NFL, the tattoo is quite huge and directly on the side of his leg. Not many people can pull off a portrait tattoo of themselves on their leg, and Ezekiel Elliott is also not one of them.
Zeke didn’t only give the world a new look at his new body art, he also gave us a look at a new Zeke.
Of course I want to say that I didn’t even notice because beauty doesn’t have a size, but the most alarming part of the photo to me was how small Zeke’s feet look. I mean the shoes are actually really cool and all but maybe I could take them off Zeke’s hands. They look like a women’s 9.5 and I could wear thick enough socks to make it work.
The thing about guys I’ve always been most jealous of is the ability to just grow a beard when you’re feeling a little extra thicc. We can’t hide our second or third chin with a little facial hair, throw on a flannel and find the girls into dad bods. There is no such equivalent for women. Mom bods aren’t exactly a thing. We can contour all we want but if we eat a slice of bread it’ll instantly show up somewhere it shouldn’t.
But Zeke thinks he can just show up to Von Miller Day in a baggy black tshirt, a full beard and glasses and think that the internet is going to just give it a double tap and move on? Think again Zeke, any excuse to fat shame and we’re taking it in 2019.