The Philadelphia Phillies and Major League Baseball officially announced yesterday that the 2026 MLB All Star Game will take place in Philadelphia to commemorate the 250th anniversary of America.
“The 2026 All-Star game has been awarded to the Phillies and the City of Philadelphia,” said Rob Manfred, MLB Commissioner. To commemorate this special day, and this beautiful picture, I am going to be giving out some awards of my own.
Introducing the first annual Philadelphia All Star Game Awards:
The ‘I Didn’t feel the first edible so I took another’ Award
This was a close enough call so I decided to give it to both Aaron and Odubel. The glasses and lack of smile from our boy Odubel was a dead giveaway he is *allegedly* high as balls right now. But seriously, what the fuck is going on with Aaron’s face?! I once bought pot brownies off a coworker in high school for me and my friends. We didn’t smoke much so she told me to just have half of one and take it from there. Instead, we took one and about 5 minutes later felt nothing so took a second. This is exactly what we looked like about an hour later.
The ‘Marshawn Lynch Memorial: I’m Just Here So I Don’t Get Fined’ Award
The ‘Jesus Christ Superstar Award’
The ‘Tony Kornheiser Doppelgänger Award’
And last but certainly not least. Probably the most coveted award we give out every year.
The ‘Where the Fuck Am I’ Award