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GUYS… IT HAPPENED!!!!!!

GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!!!

It’s currently Sunday, April 14th—a day that will be remembered forever as the day Tiger Woods obtained what nearly every talking head, radio personality, dickhead blogger, group chat member, and tabloid reporter deemed unobtainable: a fifth green jacket…

Now, I’m not here to brag. I’m not here to claim I was right all along. I’m not here to rub the fact that I was 1000% right in everyone’s face. I’m not here to say I was one of the few people who spearheaded the “Tiger’s Back” narrative at a time when every last village idiot on the planet (Woody Paige, for example) was crawling up from the sewers to declare Tiger would never win another major in a shameless attempt to galvanize the masses and generate a short-lived spark of social media traction.

And above all else, I’m not here to provide proof of all that…

I’m not here to do that, however, what I am here to do is to comment on how utterly remarkable what we just saw was…

Last year, after knocking on the door of two major tournaments, Tiger finally clinched a win at the Tour Championship by shooting 11-under and morphing East Lake Golf Club into a Happy Gilmore-esque mosh pit of White, middle-aged insurance brokers looking to catch a sly glimpse at redemption.

And still, people moved the goal posts on the “back” meter…

For those toothless jackasses out there on the Internet who thought Tiger only had to beat a classroom of people that weekend, here’s a little background: The Tour Championship stemmed from a field of 140 golfers. That 140 dropped to 110 at TPC Boston, then to 70 at the BMW Championship, and then finally to 30. In other words, he didn’t have to grind through a complete slate of nobodies because he already did.

So, in a way, winning a tournament of that fashion is one of the most impressive things you can do in golf. I mean, any clown can roll out of bed, get hot during some weekend in August and drive home with a new mantlepiece. It takes a hardnosed, weathered vet to fight off cuts for a couple of months with a bionic spine and finally turn up the gas when it matters most. In a way, you could argue that win was more difficult than winning a major…

That is, unless we’re talking about this major…

The past decade has been an absolute ROLLERCOASTER for Tiger, so to downplay the significance of what we witnessed today would be to dismiss the resiliency of the human spirit. Moments like this are ultimately why we watch sports. They provide us answers to the “what ifs” and “could you imagine ifs” that circulate throughout bars across the world.

Point blank: if you suggested this was a possibility a year from today, you were SCOFFED at (and, as much as it pains me, rightfully so).

That said, whether you love him or hate him, Tiger Woods is the most captivating athlete on the planet. As I like to say, he doesn’t move the needle because he IS the needle, and in my opinion, the most compelling case study in sports history.

Think about it…

  • You have a tri-racial prodigy competing in a sport systematically designed for privileged, White dudes who took their permit tests in Range Rovers.
  • You have a seemingly steadfast personal/professional relationship to a domineering, alcoholic, sexually promiscuous father who is currently buried without a headstone.
  • You have a seemingly distant, yet affectionate relationship to a soft-spoken mother.
  • You have a seemingly pristine public image cultivated by the most effective Marketing machine in sports history.
  • You have a seemingly inconceivable hole out at 16 during the 2005 Masters.
  • You have a seemingly idyllic family dynamic ravaged by fame and infidelity. You have a seemingly inevitable career trajectory convulsed by injury.
  • You have a seemingly hopeless, decade-long drought of success.
  • You have a seemingly irrevocable image facilitated by seemingly everything and topped off by a mugshot that Charles Manson would’ve raised a couple eyebrows at.

Yet, after all this, the ONLY constant narrative throughout this entire journey is simple: nothing is what it seems…

When it’s all said and done, this year’s Masters leaderboard was absolutely STACKED. The tour’s best rose to the top of glass and Tiger fought off all of them in vintage Tiger fashion, which is something we haven’t truly seen in over a decade. I mean, Tiger had been rubbing elbows with the iron for nearly a year, but he had yet to hit that “second gear.” He had yet to lock in and completely eviscerate the hope of those within a couple rungs below him on a leaderboard. Today, he did that.

Dustin Johnson… Sleepin’
Schauffele… Sleepin’
Koepka… Sleepin’
Cantlay (for 5 seconds, out of nowhere)… Sleepin’

Once Molinari found water on 12, there was a feeling; once Eldrick found green in two for Eagle on the 13th, there was an inevitability.

He finally locked in. He’s finally BACK…

Top three personal sports moment of my entire life…

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

P.S. Tiger’s Back…

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