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Buzzfeed Wants Us To Think “Single People Are Revealing All The Things They Love About Being Single And It’s A Big Mood”

While aimlessly scrolling my Twitter feed during all the free time I have from being single, I stumbled upon this Buzzfeed article.

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I’m always pretty skeptical of articles about single people because I assume it’s written by someone who was single from 22-24 and thinks she’s sooooo relatable to the plight of a single person. Haha, look at all these sad, lonely people pretending to be happy about it that’s so cute! What a BIG MOOD!

With Buzzfeed that’s almost exactly what happens when I click the link and give them the precious pageviews they want so bad. OK, Stephen LaConte who definitely has a cute boyfriend in finance and two french bulldogs, you got me.

Here are some of the actual reasons people said they enjoyed about being single and I’ll let you know if I agree.

Screen Shot 2019-04-11 at 11.14.13 PM First of all, what money? You know what type of responsibility comes with paying for every single bill by yourself? Electricity, taxes, cell phone. At this point it would be very fiscally responsible for me to have a significant other to pay for half my bills. And to be honest, I kind of want someone to make all my life decisions for me. I’m sick of making decisions.

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I feel like being in a relationship is such a good excuse to have in your back pocket when trying to cancel plans. If you’ve already used “I have a headache” or “I don’t get paid until Friday”, you can always fall back on the “boyfriend’s family has a thing” or “girlfriend is mad at me for liking an Instagram” and people will let you off the hook. For me that’s a good 75% of the reason to ever get in a relationship. The other 25% is killing bugs.

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Oh caring about another person’s success is exhausting for you? I am worrying about Britney Spears success more than I focus on my own issues. That’s literally the point of life, to find someone to distract you from your own problems, isn’t it?

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OK I need to meet this person to become my financial advisor and maybe date me. In what world does being single mean you’re saving money? Can a girl just get some chips and salsa at Chili’s once a month?

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sybert123 is a fuckboy. He’s for sure fucking like 4 girls and telling them all they’re the only one until they form an Instagram group where they send memes about how small his dick is and laugh.

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This is where I started to think this entire Buzzfeed article was a complete sham with no actual posts from the single Reddit people and just things a totally not single person wishes they could do. Being forced to laugh at memes on the internet seems pretty avoidable. If someone doesn’t respond to like 2 memes I send on Instagram I just stop sending them memes. The more memes the merrier! Plus no one seriously uses Facebook for memes.

Screen Shot 2019-04-11 at 11.42.57 PM This had to have been submitted by someone who is sick of sharing a queen sized bed in a 1 BR apartment with another large human being. Single people are dying for a sleepover. My first thought was well I already can’t sleep diagonally because my cat takes up the entire bed, which is something a chronically single person would have definitely mentioned in the most. Turns out I was right.

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Turns out the actual single people Reddit community is very glass half empty, just like I hoped. If everyone else was out there having a blast being alone and just never having anyone to listen to every last complaint you’ve got, I’d be really upset.

It’s really stressful being single and trying to keep track of everything going on in life. There are a lot of things that go into just living life on a day to day basis. Keeping track of anything besides myself is too high of a goal and even that is sometimes questionable.

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We single people are out here losing cheese graters while people in relationships are shaving cheese straight into their mouths. You never hear of people losing a cheese grater that have a significant other.

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If you’re single, there is a chance your family will ask you to babysit their kids. I can’t imagine.

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I feel ya, CharacterMouse. Who has time for a relationship when life bogs you down with working and family? I need at least 9 hours of sleep anyways.

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Here in the real uncensored pre-Buzzfeed Reddit, we still harbor some hatred towards our exes even though we totally don’t even care at all because being single is so cool, so awesome. Finally we can go on dudes night in peace without getting nagged by the ol lady.

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Great, another thing to be anxious about, I could use another. The anxiety about the anxiety you get when trying to tell if you are a good boyfriend. THAT’s the real anxiety.

There is only one post that I sincerely believe was written by a single person.

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Being alone is fucking awesome. Not having to talk to anyone is something I try to soak up as long as I can. When the time comes where I have to actually engage in serious conversations with someone or actively try to make someone laugh, I’ll lose a little part of my identity. Because being alone is that fucking awesome.

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

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