Bad Bitchness Bracket Championship: The Final 2 Baddest Bitches Alive

BadGalAli

Alright, we’ve reached the bad bitchness bracket championship matchup. My bracket was ruined in the first round, because it’s clear this bracket has been taken over by men based on who they’d rather jerk off to. And it appears that the voters prefer blondes.

The official championship matchup has been set:

Screen Shot 2019-04-07 at 11.37.20 PM.png

(1) Margot Robbie vs. (8) Kate Upton

I’m not going to say anything about the lack of diversity in the later rounds of the bad bitch bracket because I don’t want to take anything away from these two. They are both extremely hot, badass women who made a name and career for themselves without relying on any men. Two of the most desirable sectors of hot women, Australian vs. all-American Michigan. That’s the thing about this bad bitch bracket, you can find them on the coast of Australian hanging with kangaroos or riding horses in the middle of America.

Let’s break down this matchup…

(1) Margot Robbie

Margot is a 1 seed for a reason, but she didn’t have an easy road to the finals by any means. After taking out 16 sead Helga from Hey Arnold, she was matched up against Emily Rajatkowski in what I thought would be the biggest battle of the tournament. It was a bloodbath.

After that convincing beatdown, Margot faced 4 seed Kate Beckinsale, who is super hot in the streets right now for dating Pete Davidson. Last on her road to victory was Megan Fox, who had the biggest fan reaction, and then finally, scored 69% of the vote (nice) against JLo.

margotrobbie6

Margot was born in Australia and was raised by a single mother on a farm. At age 16 she worked 3 jobs to help pay her family’s bills until she moved to Melbourne at 17 to pursue acting. Just imagine a young Margot Robbie milking cows and feeding chickens in the golden Australian sun. Guarantee her farm produced the most milk in Australia although apparently Margot wasn’t even the most attractive one in her friend group, which is scary.

You should have seen me at 14, with braces and glasses, gangly and doing ballet! If I looked good in Wolf of Wall StreetI cannot take full credit; it was because of hair extensions and makeup.” – Vanity Fair

That’s what really makes Margot a true bad bitch, worthy of a 1 seed and a spot in the championship matchup. Bad bitch is in her blood, and she wasn’t about to waste away on a farm in Australia. She was bound for much bigger and better things, and did it all without having to fuck some A list actor or producer to get there.

margotrobbie4

She acted for a few years in some Australian movies that no one has ever seen and was a cast member on an Australian soap opera before deciding to move to Hollywood in 2011, and the rest is history.

Her biggest breakout is quite possibly the hottest movie role of all time. As Naomi Belfort in Wolf Of Wall Street, America learned how bad of a bitch Margot really is. If you thought her Australian accent was hot, her Brooklyn accent may kill you.

Critic Sasha Stone wrote “She’s Scorsese’s best blonde bombshell discovery since Cathy Moriarty in Raging Bull. Robbie is funny, hard and kills every scene she’s in”.

margotrobbie5

As any true bad bitch actress in Hollywood does, Margot took a few serious roles to build her portfolio. In 2016 she starred as Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad and was the inspiration for every regular bad bitch’s Halloween costume for the next 3 years and counting.

margotrobbie3

Then came her biggest acting feat, to make herself uglier and more controversial as Tonya Harding in I, Tonya. She was so good at it that she earned an Academy Award and Golden Globe nomination for the role as a real life scary bad bitch. Luckily she has a resume of experience.

Her next role is going to be in Quentin Tarantino’s newest film Once Upon A Time In Hollywood where she’ll reunite with Leonardo DiCaprio and also Brad Pitt. No big deal for a bad bitch like Margot. Did I mention she also produces? That Time magazine named her one of the 100 most influential people in the world? And Forbes featured her on their 30 under 30 list?

margotrobbie2

The baddest bitch in Hollywood also gives hope to average guys everywhere, since she married an assistant director who doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, in 2016.

3B8CAB2C00000578-4053668-image-m-66_1482287459971.jpg

Apparently they lived together with 5 other people in a 3 bedroom party house in London and it appears Margot actually likes to have a good time. For her 24th birthday she forced her friends against their will to have a 24 hour boozefest birthday party and that should validate all of your votes that made Margot Robbie the baddest bitch in Hollywood, and possibly in the universe.

(8) Kate Upton

I’ve got to be honest with you all here, I really didn’t think Kate Upton was going to make it to the bad bitch finals. Up against Topanga in the Final Four, Kate’s perfect boobs may have given her the ultimate edge.

In the first round she took out Margot’s Oscar nominated subject Tonya Harding, before facing off against 1 seed Victoria Beckham in round 2. This one wasn’t as close.

Kate and her amazing boobs then knocked out Jesse James Decker and Barstool CEO Erika Nardini, who at one point got over 6,500 votes her way. That’s when I started to see where this bad bitch bracket was going. Blondes and boobs run this world.

kateupton5

What makes Kate Upton a bad bitch is that she was one of the baddest bitches before she became Mrs. Justin Verlander. According to CelebrityNetWorth, she has over $20 million, mostly from that face and yeah, those boobs.

Her great grandfather was a co-founder of the Whirlpool corporation, her dad was an athletics director and her mom a tennis player. The whitest of the white, Kate naturally took up competitive horse riding.

3edb586687844f40f396fc31d1aba0ee.jpg

Not wanting to let her talents go to waste, Kate showed up to a modeling casting call in Miami and was signed on the spot.

kateupton3

She’s become one of the baddest bitches in Sports Illustrated history and started by being featured in only body paint where she was subsequently named Rookie of the Year.

077868800 - 11_kate-upton-body-paint_39.jpg

A modern day bad bitch, Kate used the power of viral videos to show off her horrendously white dance moves at a Clippers game, which propelled her into a different stratosphere of bad bitchness.

kateupton4

Since her Rookie of the Year honors, Kate has modeled for tons of high end fashion brands, graced the cover of many magazines you’ve probably jerked off to, and has branched off into movies. I personally loved her in the bad bitch chick flick, The Other Woman.

Kate has always received criticism for her “curves” aka her huge natural boobs and general appearance that she may actually eat. And as much as I hate the fact that this tournament has boiled down to two white blonde women, Kate Upton has always been loud and proud about how much of a bad bitch she truly is.

“I’m not a toy, I’m a human, I’m not here to be used. I am a grown woman, and you need to figure your s— out,” affirmed the model before addressing “dumb blonde” stereotypes.

“People deal with models like they are children,” Upton explained to Elle. “They think they can pull one over on you.”

In 2014 a hacker illegally released naked pics of a group of bad bitches including Kate Upton (Jennifer Lawrence, Hope Solo, Kirsten Dunst were some of the others that I’m sure no one reading this has seen or will now Google…)

kateupton2

After overcoming such a PR nightmare for someone who rose to fame by posing in nothing but body paint, Kate met her now husband Justin Verlander, an MLB pitcher worth $100 million, and people may still argue that she’s too good for him. If you asked 100 people I’m confident most would know Kate Upton more than her husband. That means I’ll allow her in the bad bitch championship.

Cast your vote for the first annual baddest bitch alive tournament below.

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Next Post

Welcome to Branded Hoppsy

Whats up folks, So about a month or so ago I was doing a “career investigation” assignment on three potential […]
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x
%d bloggers like this: