TIL – I ate my Twin

So for the past few years I’ve had these episodes where I’ve been doubled over with this uncontrollable stomach pain once every 3-4 months. Famously this happened around my wrestling coaching staff and my wrestlers 3 years ago at the league championships. Jason Rinaldi gave me a world class kidney shot and I ended up doubled up thinking he broke a kidney or my spleen. Allegedly it was a fucking hoot. Anyway, outside the punch, I’ve always kinda figured this was some side effect of my hernia mesh. Yesterday I kinda had my last straw. I was doubled over for a good long time and I couldn’t stand up. So today I went into the doctor and he got me in for a quick ultrasound.

I’ll cut to the chase: They found something. This is hard to really comprehend. It’s impossible for me to fully understand. I honestly have seen this on medical malady shows but to live it myself is surreal right now:

I have my unborn twin, also known as a parasitic twin, feeding inside my belly. Yes, the dead remains of a twin I’ve never known are living inside me. The doctor thinks this is a pretty good reason why my weight has fluctuated the way it has over the years. I’m eating for two.

If you don’t know, a Parasitic Twin is a fetus that didn’t make it to child birth but was absorbed by its twin. It’s dead, not alive but it does sap nutrients from its host body. Basically a nightmare living in my belly.

Now my family and friends think this is hilarious. They’ve been teasing me for eating my twin all day. I think they’re all pretty much dicks for the comments and snide remarks I’ve gotten. They keep asking if I can hear his thoughts. If he ever takes over the reins? I’m starting to wonder though if his ghost or conscience lives inside me? Do we have wonder twin powers? What kind of life would he have had? Shit would it have been a he?

Anyway, I’ve named him since I think it is only right. If it was me as the undead parasitic twin I’d want a name too. Edward Charles Alexander. The flip flop of my first and middle name. I left my confirmation name out because I think it’s only right he gets his own:

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