People Ripping On Bread Sliced Bagels Are MORONS…

(Editor’s note: prepping for the live stream event. Missed this Joey. Insert “my bad” gif) Alright, so today is Friday and there isn’t much going on in my world of sports aside from Chris Sale imploding for 7 over 3 and my March Madness bracket looking like it developed a severe case of syphilis. That said, as I always say, these are times where your true colors show. These are the times where you need to bear down, dig your cleats in, and muscle out content, which is why I’m about to talk about breakfast for a second.

Disclaimer: This blog will be ALL over the place so forgive me in advance…

A few days ago on Twitter, someone posted the following and the Internet split in half…

As with everything that goes viral, it became divisive in a matter of hours, with the significant majority of people questioning the integrity of St. Louis, as well as acknowledging this dude as a sociopath/psycho/lunatic.

Well, you know what? I’m not one of those candy coated cucks who fall in line. I’m not someone who accepts things on face value or piles on when the going gets easy. I’m an innovator, and to be honest, I’m actually ALL IN on “bread sliced” bagels.

Simply put, I’m an athlete; and as an athlete, I have to watch what I eat to an extent, with breakfast being a constant focal point. People often say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I tend to agree, which is why I’ve always condemned people who rip donuts and stuff at 7 am in the morning.

I mean, what kind of deplorable hack wakes up at 6:30 AM on a Monday following a weekend of cheap vodka/pizza and thinks, “You know what I could go for right now? A hollowed out circle of deep-fried sweetened dough lathered in vanilla frosting and sprinkles.” That’s just reprehensible behavior…

So yeah, although eating a bagel isn’t necessarily the equivalent of burying a box of munchkins, it’s still horrible for you. That said, anything’s fine in moderation and that’s EXACTLY what “bread sliced” bagels offer.

Sure, it’s fun to call this dude a sociopath but you know what’s even funner? Being right…

Life is all about options, and while conventional sliced bagels only give you two, bread sliced bagels offer an infinite amount. If you want 1/7th of a bagel, go for it. If you want a full bagel, go for it. If you want 1/7th of a bagel, go for it. If you want a full bagel, go for it…

In other words, when it’s all said and done, the ONLY difference between conventionally sliced bagels and bread sliced bagels is that, with bread sliced bagels, you aren’t backed into a corner; you have complete and utter control of your intake, which also allows you to go à la carte and snag various different kinds of bagels for your plate.

Checkmate, everyone outside St. Louis…

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

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