Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Episode 12: Who Are The Final 4 That Get To Represent The Prestigious Lohan Brand

BadGalAli

We open back up to the final day, and Mike is really being fired for taking his pants off. Aristotle had to clean some guys foot? You made Brent fuck an Instagram model. I feel like Mike’s ass is nice enough to be seen in public. I bet half of the little kids Panos is so worried about are running around naked on the beach, it’s fucking GREECE. Why are people bringing their small children to a beach club in Mykonos anyways? Gabi has worn less as a bottom this all season. I’m now actively rooting for Lindsay’s company to fail. What a show.

At the final day boozefest cabana party, Brent steals a bottle from the other table and when the girls get mad he then tells everyone else they are poor. Kyle is getting extremely mad at Brent and it’s honestly a turn on. Brent really wants to get on his shoulders and deliver a bottle with fireworks. Kyle says no thanks, because it honestly sounds like a stupid idea. No one is excited to see a bottle of champagne when Brent is carrying it. Kyle summarizes my exact feelings towards Brent and I can see why he’s about to spin out of control and choke Brent. If I saw him I’d have the same visceral reaction.

Brent is the most professional in person troll I’ve ever seen. It’s one thing to be a troll on the internet, hiding behind a computer screen and usually not in close proximity to people actively trolling you. But when you act like Brent, you kind of should bank on at least 2-3 ass kickings a year. I’m sure this is not the first time Brent has had someone try to put him in a one hand chokehold.

Lindsay comes over and scolds both of them, but fires Kyle, who is “unintentionally” wearing a shirt saying PEACE and also has the most beautiful arms I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe we are in the last episode, and Lindsay still cannot build up the nerve to fire Brent. All the problems would stop. I guess she is trying to make a reality show.

Lindsay is throwing a final dinner and then there are more clips of her handling shellfish. At the last supper, Brent is “realizing stuff” but not actually apologizing for anything. He just says he can only say thinks to certain people.

Holy shit I actually forgot May was still a cast member. How did she possibly outlast Kyle?

Panos reminds Lindsay she has 4 invitations to randomly hand out to decide who she is officially “hiring”? I’m not actually sure how any of it works. Do they stay in Greece and continue their job or do they just get to come back for season 2? Sometimes I wish we did Real Housewives that way.

Jonitta gets the first invitation. Well deserved. Gabi gets the second. No problem so far. Billy gets the third, and this the best decision Lindsay has made this season so far. Now for Brent….over ARISTOTLE?!

Lindsay rips up the ticket in half and gives half to Brent and half to Aristotle. That was the last chance to end the right way. That should be Kyle.

Hiring Brent is basically saying we don’t care if you hate women, you are making us money and people literally love to hate you. Lindsay says Sara has given up her power to men and I’m confused how??? She didn’t miss one day of work or do anything wrong whatsoever. She fell in the trap of an insecure fuckboy and got hurt. The average woman does that twice a week.

The season ends on the most perfect high note–Lindsay awkwardly dancing in the middle of a restaurant. I wouldn’t have it any other way. What a wild ride. No news yet on if Season 2 is renewed.

Should I do more reality show recaps?

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

 

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