2019 and we got people apologizing about not banging their cats. What a wild time to be alive.
ENews!: In a resurfaced clip from a 2015 interview on his former podcast, Dawson described a sexual act with his cat. “One time I laid my cat down on her back…I moved her little chicken legs spread open or whatever,” he said. Dawson described humping the cat’s stomach. “I came all over the cat. It was like my first sexual experience,” he said. “I was also like 19.”
I found the audio!! Shane Dawson came on his cat! WTF!!!!! This was on his podcast pic.twitter.com/6slFQRxIeE
— Sandwich Ruler (@magician_dragon) March 17, 2019
Shane took to twitter to make sure everyone knows once and for all he didn’t cum on his cat.
i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
If you have to issue an apology for making a joke about banging your cat, you probably banged your cat. No way around it. If you didn’t bang your cat you just say something like “are you people serious? You think I jizzed on my cat?”
Buuuuuut if you feel like you need to say “hey guys, seriously I didn’t bang my cat.” You most likely banged your cat. Or at least got uncomfortably handsy with the cat. PETA is about to be all ht and bothered. Wrong choice of words, that’s on me. But seriously everyone out there thinking about hitting on your cat, don’t.
- Cats will not show you the love and affection you are looking for. You light all these nice candles, try and set the mood and the cat couldn’t care less. Might even knock a candle over and burn the place to the ground.
- This is a no coming back from mistake. Celebrities can get away with killing a guy but banging a cat. That’s always a no-no.
In short. RIP Shane Dawson. Never knew you before today. Never will forget you ever again.