So I was reading a Vice article today concerning a town held hostage by a terrible smell. A smell so vicious that the residents of the town run 100’s of kilometers away during the summer because of the smell. A smell so deadly, rodents don’t dare enter the building it emanates from. Cleanup crews scoff at the idea of cleaning this up while being offered a king’s ransom. The town is St. Mary’s Canada and they are in desperate need of help.
What is this stuff? It’s a Vietnamese seafood sauce that has been fermenting in tanks and spilling out since 2000. 19 years of what I’m sure is the rankest shit on the planet sitting and stewing in the summer heat. They’ve offered companies $300,000+ in actual American, not Canadian play money, and these guys still refuse. The best offer they’ve got is for someone who wants $550,000 and I’m sure that’s a low ball offer. Meanwhile these poor residents are being held captive by the stench and Canadian government waiting for them to pay the balance they can’t afford of the cleanup costs.
I have a solution: I WILL BURN THAT HELL HOLE TO THE GROUND AND BECOME A CANADIAN FUGITIVE FOR $300,000. I have no want to ever really be in Canada so I’m willing to take this for the team. I’m sure the residents have thought about it. I’m willing to do it. Good People of St. Mary’s you have found your savior, get your people in contact with my people and we will get this done.