Did you get all that? In an anonymous relationship advice question submitted to The Guardian, a man wondered to do when he realized he had once fucked his current girlfriend’s dad.
The letter writer said he went through a “bi phase” and “used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men.” No judgement on this part, everyone has a slutty stage and it’s possible another man slipped in, there’d be no way of knowing. Once he was done torturing his parents, he decided to settle down with the love of his life. When the next step of the relationship, meeting the parents, came along, things got pretty interesting for this anonymous guy. About halfway through the lunch, he realizes that his girlfriend’s dad is one of the guys that might have slipped in from his bi phase.
“I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love — shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?”
I really feel for this guy. Just looking for some compassionate advice on what to do in the precarious situation.
The Guardian columnist Pamela Stephenson Connolly tried to add some common sense into the mix:
“I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife.… Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.”
Obviously this is the easy way out. There are only two choices available–you either never speak of the incident again or you own up to it and break up with your girlfriend forever. There is no world where this girl knows her husband has either had her dad’s penis inside him or her dad was penetrated by her husband and stays together. An awkward dinner because my husband fucked the waitress back in 2012? I can handle that. I feel like I could get over a murder confession easier than knowing my husband fucked my dad. Imagine going on family vacations? If they ever went to the bathroom at the same time?
The respectful thing to do is exactly what Pamela said. This is the absolute only situation I condone cheating. Go on Tinder, cheat on this girl, give her an easily curable STD and push her get to the point that she slashes your tires. Make sure it’s a kosher breakup, over immediately. Blame it on your own stunted emotional development and get the fuck out of there. Soulmates don’t exist.
However we would all be much better off if this guy just contacted Maury to get this whole thing sorted out the American way.