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Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Episode 10 Recap: Brent’s Pity Party Of 1

I can’t believe we’ve gone 10 episodes without Brent getting fired. He is a piece of shit and we better be getting an expose Brent party tonight!!

Jonitta is such a ride or die bitch just helping Sara move out of her and Brent’s room time after time. You know she’ll be there next week when Sara is moving all those makeup brushes back into their room. So glad she was able to overcome the slap because Jonitta is the realest part of this show.

This week, the VIP hosts are getting Enrique, a gay, rich, Instagram model. After that, Lindsay has a private yacht party set up for the team. She can’t deal with any of this drama but then she’s going to inject tequila into their veins on a private yacht with only each other? Imagine if they all just behaved perfectly normal and have a great, responsible time? Sounds awful.

As the hosts entertain the VIP guests, Brent is being ostracized from the group and is being super emo. Good thing he knows how to do a dark eyeliner, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see it later. I thought I was going to enjoy Brent’s suffering the most, but Billy is having a fucking blast. Go off king.

We are now on the private yacht, and Alex says he wants to leave Brent in the deep waters. I’m mad I’m not there to help push him in.

In this week’s pointless clip, Lindsay is hanging out with her friends in her private cabana talking shit about her customers. She does not have a microphone this time, but I guess that is part of the Lohan brand we keep hearing about.

Sara is definitely using Billy to make Brent fly off the handle and it’s a great move. I mean obviously Billy is extremely hot and appears to be a much better person than Brent but Sara is not actually into him. I don’t even think Billy cares either.

Kyle played rugby for 3 years so he doesn’t like to see Brent hiding on the other side of the boat by himself. Seriously, that was real commentary. We saw actual photos of Kyle playing rugby for absolutely no reason at all.

Brent has been a terrible human being to every single person in this house, and these guys are cracking jokes and convincing him to just hang out and have a good time. God bless these people.

Turns out they brought Brent over to watch Sara and Billy swap spit on the bow of their private yacht. SAVAGE! Brent literally goes hiding into a bunkbed and Sara is sitting back watching the tornado she just created. That’s what I like to see.

Lindsay and Panos are discussing how many hosts they are going to keep as part of the Lohan brand. They agree only 4 are staying, which means 4 of them are going home. There is no way Brent makes it past this cut. Lindsay thinks it’s important for the people she keep to maintain her pristine reputation of being classy, put together and stable.

Back on the yacht, Jonitta is following Brent around holding a peach slice screaming in his face until he decides to quit the show and seriously consider jumping into the ocean. Jonitta is a real one for orchestrating this. This is going to end with Lindsay and Panos feeling bad for Brent and firing everyone else instead isn’t it.

Brent is having a full mental breakdown, chugging red wine and chain smoking cigarettes. A producer tries to give Brent a therapy session and he cries to call his mommy. The way he is describing this to his mom sounds like Sara did anything wrong but I bet his mom knows the deal. I’m sure this isn’t the first time she’s got this phone call. Brent’s mom is just like move the fuck on son it’s been 2 weeks.

Panos calls Lindsay flipping out because Brent is being a little bitch and wants to quit his job. Lindsay and her great judge of character feels like it’s everyone else’s fault EXCEPT Brent and I told you this was going to happen. I don’t know how many bottles of Ciroc Brent sold at his VIP cabanas but the way Lindsay is acting he is putting Diddy out of business. I can see the tides turning in Brent’s favor and just when people are starting to feel bad for him, he’s calling Billy stupid.

Mike is the voice of the house and he has been on the right side of every single fight in this house so far. You’d think when every single other cast member is giving you valid reasons for why this guy fucking suuuuucks, you might fire him. Jules got fired for being pretty. But nope, Brent survives another episode. He is the worst case of reality TV herpes I have ever seen. He’s totally getting hired and I will watch this show crash and burn.

Until next week…Brent who?

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

 

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