Being a lead source on the status of Danny Amendola and Olivia Culpo’s relationship is one of my biggest career achievements. It’s my solemn promise that whenever something seems fishy to me I will be there to report it.
Since I last reported, Olivia and Danny were by all appearances back on. They went to vacation together in Mexico and neither one of them was too shy on Instagram about it meaning it didn’t take any advanced internet stalking skills to see what was going on. They were sharing hammocks and wearing string bikinis. Danny was recently cut by the Dolphins and as they do with any free agent former player, Patriots fans wanted a reunion. Danny is especially loved for his on the field clutch performances, but he’s been on my shit list for a while for how he’s been treating the most beautiful person on the planet. This is all pointless now since Danny just signed a 1 year, $5.75 million dollar deal with the Detroit Lions.
There’s mutual interest between Danny Amendola and the Patriots, per sources. We’ll see if it amounts to a reunion or not, but the possibility exists.
— Jeff Howe (@jeffphowe) March 11, 2019
If all had been well on the home front with Olivia I might have considered letting Danny off the hook and back into my life with the Patriots. It would have to have been for little to no money or it’s not worth it, but if Olivia can forgive and forget, I can too.
On Saturday, my spidey senses we alerted to Danny’s Instagram story. Really I spent about 16 straight hours switching between Instagram and Twitter before eventually ending up in Venmo and feeling bad about myself but I did see something I did not particularly like or understand.
It appears to be SXSW in Austin, where Danny lives and Olivia has often been spotted. Danny’s definitely in Austin, but it’s not Olivia driving him around Austin with the top down. First I gave Danny the benefit of the doubt. I did a little research expecting to see that he had a sister who he would be hanging out with for the fun weekend. According to Wikipedia, Danny only has one brother. This chick did not seem to be very thirsty, being clearly shown looking very miserable driving Danny around (at first I thought maybe just an Uber driver), but then looking very depressed sitting on the couch outside Danny’s Austin house. If someone can provide evidence to indicate this girl has a very platonic reasoning to be alone with Danny all day, I will gladly retract this blog. But it certainly looks like Danny is back up to his fuckboy ways.
Danny wasn’t exactly sneaking around when TMZ caught him openly on Miami Beach with that Olivia ripoff lookalike, so I would not put it past him to just Instagram story his new side chick thinking Olivia might be too busy to catch it. I can promise I will not let that happen.
Just to investigate a little further, I wondered if the two still followed each other. They had been back as social media friends as of their Mexican getaway just a few weeks ago, so I was shocked to notice neither of them currently follow each other. Olivia is supporting her brother Gus, playing college baseball, while Danny is gramming his side piece. I would not be surprised at this point.
These two need to either be completely done for good with extreme hatred or they need to be married. I officially want off of this roller coaster, mostly because I have a sensitive stomach so I hate roller coasters in general, but this relationship is exhausting.
Just when we thought Danny might make a triumphant return to our good graces on and off the field by coming back to the Patriots to be closer to Olivia, shit hits the fan. Tristan Thompson taught me better.