The Red Sox Can’t Honor the Patriots Super Bowl on Opening Day Because They Have to Honor Their Own Championship

There are two main reasons as to why I love the Celtics being a shit show recently 

  1. I’m a Sixers fan and I have an inferiority complex seeing as we’ve lost to them in the final moments of seemingly 198 straight contests.
  2. The Boston sports scene has been soaking up success and they have two titles to fall back on in the calendar year.

Not being able to commemorate one championship season because you have to commemorate another championship season is the most Boston problem to have these days. Part of me respects it, and part of me wants to punch that Parade Kid right in his face.

I know that before the turn of the century, no one gave two shits about the Pats and “The Curse of the Bambino” was still hilariously a thing. But I’m only 24, so most of my entire life has been engulfed in New England Sports winning titles. If this were Mean Girls I would be Gretchen Wieners and Boston fans would be Regina George. I’m sick of their good sports fortune and also, how do I get it? 

I guess I shouldn’t complain seeing as Washington DC lost Bryce Harper to us and replaced him with Case Keenum…

But back to Boston being annoyingly good. As soon as I saw this tweet, I knew a slick comment from Dave Portnoy was coming. I strive to have the sports fandom life of this guy:

Portnoy should teach a class on being a troll. I don’t mean that in a deragaotry way like that Deadspin no-name fuck boy. I mean, no one wins in a funnier way than El Pres. I guess it starts with winning enough to be a troll but he has certainly perfected the craft. This “why do bad things happen to good people” schtik gives me a chuckle every time.

Philadelphia seems to be in the dawn of a Golden Age with this generational talent flooding the city. I’ll take half of the success Boston has had in recent years and die happy at age 28 after Carson Wentz wins Super Bowl MVP.

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