Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Episode 9: Ain’t No Party Like A Full Moon Party

The house is abuzz with the news that Gabi and Kyle might have hooked up? Brent has no life so he sees an opportunity to spread the rumors.

I watched the after show last week and we’re all in agreement that Brent is a pile of dirt. No one from this show or in the universe likes him except him, and the Wynn, in Vegas where he works.

Things are going well but don’t feel good about yourself people are getting fired.

Nico is coming from Younger and I have never once heard that he was engaged to Lindsay Lohan. It barely came up on a google search, but something tells me we will know a lot about his relationship with Lindsay in the next 47 minutes.

“I took him to his first sweat lodge” – what is a sweat lodge?

Aristotle is explaining his adorable little crush and for some reason this girl is annoyed that he was drinking at work. Nothing inappropriate or weird was shown, but for some reason now this girl hates him. He walks up to the girls, accompanied by Bitch Boy Brent and everyone is calling him garbage. How could anyone be this mean to Aristotle he is just an innocent cherub. Instead of letting Aristotle just be himself and accept him, Brent decides to ‘poke the bear’ and get under his skin for the sole reason of being a nuisance. What a fit for the Lohan brand.

Nico is a free spirit, wearing one pearl earring and yellow sunglasses, so naturally Lindsay thinks he could show the VIP hosts how to work together. He begins to wave sage around all these 23 year old millennial idiots and preps for his full moon party.

During the full moon party, everyone sits in a circle and calls each other out for being fake. My kind of full moon party. Kyle is really a beautiful human being on the inside and out for standing up to Brent like this. I’ve never seen anyone who is less of an alpha thinking he’s an alpha.

Sara sweetie it is just about Brent he’s an insecure fuckboy. It’s going to be 5 minutes until Brent and Sara are fighting again we all know it.

Brent says it’s fine that everyone thinks he’s an asshole and a bad person because he’s going to be someone’s boss someday! If Brent was my boss I would file a formal complaint with the Better Business Bureau.

The VIP hosts finish practicing for the reunion show and finish the full moon ceremony by actually howling at the moon.

Panos suggests the guests throw a party at their house to promote the brand? Recipe for disaster, and a great episode of reality TV.

Brent is using alcohol to mask his insecurities? NO WAY?!

While the guests are en route to blackout, Lindsay is getting cryotherapy. Important scene to the episode.

Back to the villa its 11pm and it doesn’t seem like any potential clients are at the party to promote ‘the brand’ but Brent’s only 2 friends have arrived. He is completely ignoring Sara and when he gets called out he says it’s because she didn’t want to take shots when he invited her to take shots.

Mike tells a very wild story about him being blackmailed into prostitution at age 14. I’m so desensitized by Netflix documentaries at this point that I wasn’t even that shocked as he described the terrifying story of getting forced into sex trafficking through a chat room stalker.

Honestly Brent’s friend seems like a sneaky bitch having her face blurred out and making all these pre-recorded comments about how Brent is going to fuck over Sara in a few weeks. You can’t ever trust someone with hair like that either. I vow to be that 75 year old lady with long layers and bayalage but that hair needs a 6 inch trim.

All the other guys wake up and report right back to Panos about how big of a dick that Brent is. Great work guys. We’re all rooting for you.

Lindsay is obviously taking Brent’s side because she is the absolute worst judge of character and instead of firing him over this national outrage she decides to send them on a yacht trip next episode. FUCK THIS.



0 0 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

1 Comment
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Matt dogday
Matt dogday
March 6, 2019 9:21 pm

Thought that guy was sucking that other guy ali what up