I know. Mike Schmidt is still alive. But about two months ago I started having this creepy recurring dream, possibly the byproduct of Harperlent.
Each time these dreams go the same way. For some reason the stage is my old fraternity house. This time though the place is done up well and my parents seem to be living there. Really have put a nice touch on the old pong and living rooms. My sister and her friend I’ve never seen before are watching tv in the living room as I run up the stairs. That’s when he appears. Top of the stairs there’s an old office with glass doors. We used it as a bedroom in the frat house. Seems my mom turned it into a sitting room. Anyway ghostly Mike Schmidt blows past me and possesses the poor friend of my sister and has her lock the door of the sitting room behind her. My mom, sister and I are now trying our best to open the glass sitting room doors. No avail. I then seemingly run for ten miles to a church and grab holy water. As I’m filling the bottle up Rhys Hoskins tells me I must evoke the Holy Trinity to get rid of the Ghost of Mike Schmidt in an exorcism.
Next I know I see myself blast throw the front doors all decked out in black with a huge gold chain with a cross about my neck. I run up the stairs and start yelling at Mike Schmidt
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit Amen
Ghostly Mike Schmidt just laughs at me and tortures my sister’s friend. My mom and sister are screaming at me to do something when Hoskins appears to me like Mufasa.
Charlie, Remember who you are. You are a Phils fan and thus the one true Mike Schmidt exorcist.
Totally confused as to what Hoskins is saying i just start with Gibberish. Nothing is working and Mike Schmidt’s Ghost is just getting stronger and more brazen. Shits flying about the room and this scenes totally starting to look like the exorcist. I look on the floor and find 3 baseball cards.
I give it a shot holding all three while throwing holy water at the ghost of Mike Schmidt:
In the name of the Howard and the Hamels and the Hard Waking Chase Utley AMEN
Ghostly Mike Schmidt takes a shit. He’s furious now and I keep it coming. Shits flying around me and I’m throwing holy water and weird Phillies prayers like a grizzled exorcism veteran. As I do this Ghostly Mike Schmidt ages and ages until all his powers are gone and he’s just old ass Mike Schmidt again. The girl runs off with my sister and that’s kinda when I wake up.