Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Episode 8: Lindsay Vs. Kailah Lived Up To The Hype

BadGalAli

We’ve reached the pride episode of Lohan Beach Club, and if I know anything from Vanderpump Rules, we are about to party.

This week’s VIP client is a drag queen and Aristotle gets the lead. He is such a genuine and normal person, so he gladly accepts whatever his boss wants him to do. Of course he’s threatened, so Brent is making fun of Aristotle and personally I think he should be arrested.

It’s pride week. Obviously Brent is so close minded and insecure that he is uncomfortable at something different. Why is Brent so concerned about what Aristotle is doing? I think he’s very jealous that Aristotle is 1 million times hotter and better as a person than him. Brent is literally my least favorite reality TV show character in years. I haven’t hated anyone this much since like Heidi when she came for Lauren Conrad.

Telling your boss to suck your dick is probably not the smartest career move but I can’t really blame Kailah. Lindsay is screaming that she sucks into an amplified microphone. It’s a little much.

Lindsay’s godchildren are here. I swear I think these Lindsay scenes can’t get any stranger and then we’re talking shit with Lindsay’s godchildren. Rescuing the lobster will never be topped.

She is actually brainwashing these poor kids. She has to remind us every few minutes that she was in Mean Girls because it seems like a different human.

Alex and Mike get in a huge argument about bisexuality. I am all the way Team Mike and it seems like the rest of the house agrees.

“I’ve been a sex object my whole life” – Mike, and me obviously.

Aristotle admitting to jerking off in the house is even adorable.

Lindsay trying to pretend her entire life is not an absolute mess is a joke. We all don’t have Oprah as a personal advisor. Is she SERIOUSLY going to fire someone for having a messy room? That is actually illegal. They could sue and I would volunteer to be a witness for the prosecution. Thank god for someone like Kailah in this situation. We need someone to say what we’re all thinking.

Lindsay is threatening Kailah’s life and then firing her. It’s a little harsh but then Kailah tells Lindsay to go back to doing drugs while she’s walking out and Lindsay rebuffs by calling her a cunt. It is a wild sequence but Kailah eventually leaves and I think we all won.

I love Brent defending his immaturity for “not having a filter”. Maybe he’s the gay one with how he’s acting in this entire situation. Grow up dude.

Side note I can’t actually tell if May was fired last week or not. I forgot she existed.

Lindsay is doing outfit changes at the pride party and when I see her walk out in that silver jumpsuit I know what time it is. We are about to get THE performance from Lindsay.

Instead we turn to Brent in drag and it physically pains me to see people feeding into his ego. Lindsay thinks it was good for him to make up for his bullying by mocking the group of people he was insulting.

The VIP guests are now just performing Rumors in hot pants and thongs. Kailah missed the moment of the century with Lindsay doing her signature hair flip.

“I grew up watching this lady on TV” is tough for a 32 year old. They are portraying Lindsay like she’s some middle aged divorcee trying to get her groove back. It feels like she’s truly lived a thousand lifetimes. There was Parent Trap Lindsay, Mean Girls Lindsay, and now that viral video Lindsay.

OK next week’s preview reveals that Linday used to be engaged to Nico Tortorella from Younger. My mind is blown. It’s not even on his Wikipedia page? And is BRENT IN DANGER OF BEING FIRED???? THIS SHOW IS JUST GETTING STARTED

PS: I watched this after show and my blood is boiling. I want to punch Brent square in the face. He is a vile, disgusting human being and should not be given one more second of air time. Also everyone seems to agree Lindsay sucks and this show is ridiculous. They better renew it.

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

 

 

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