Welcome to another edition of Ru how to, I’m Ru. Today a special edition on poopy pants gun girl. Everyone is pretty aware by now that Kent State gun girl has pooped her pants. It has been covered by everyone, everywhere. I personally don’t like gun girl, she is a shitty person, she reeks of insecurity and diaper cream. She should never get any sympathy for pooping her pants and the bullying is deserved. However, I’m not above making a quick buck and if gun girl wants to pay me some money I can help fix her image and get people to stop saying she pooped her pants. Just sit back poopy pants and get out a pad and number 2 pencil, let’s fix that image.
So you’ve pooped your pants and the whole world is laughing at you? Why, because you’re a shitty person. You have become such a negative influence on the world that reason has no effect on you what so ever. You’ve pushed people so far they are now talking about how you pooped your pants at a party in public. Your talks on arming yourself with a gun, and how you hate liberals no longer matter because everyone just tells you that you pooped your pants.
You’ve got to be shitting me with so many poop tweets, this is going to be harder than expected to push some good ideas into your porcelain head. It’s an uphill climb from here, but anything worth doing is going to be difficult. At times you’re going to have to sit there put your feet up and squeeze and push and push and squeeze until it feels like your soul is leaving your body. But, don’t quit. Let’s go over your first step.
First, you’re going to have to make a sex tape. Make your shitty shituation into a different kind of shituation by blowing a man on camera. I know, it sounds crazy right? But, you have to flush the old stuff down the toilet and bring new stuff into the lime light. Once everyone see’s a long brown cylinder enter you, they’ll forget the long brown cylinder coming out of you. Yes, I’m suggesting you have sex on tape with a black or mexican man because you come off very racist and this will kill two birds with one turd if you will. Now nobody is talking about your poop, they’re talking about your interracial sexcapade with a minority on tape. You’ll become a star! Just imagine this on the cover of the New York Post..
Can you say superstar? The national perception is being changed already, poopy pants is no longer what people are saying. Now you’re just a Kim K wannabe who didn’t look as good. You’ve moved up in the world though and that’s what matters. Now it’s time for the last phase of this plan so you don’t have to be made fun of for a gross sex tape.
Next, you get on a plane, you fly to somewhere that nobody exists, you leave your phone, your guns, your fiance and everything else you own and you stay there, you do not come back you do not pass go you do not collect $200, because you are without a shadow of a doubt never going to change. you will never be liked and always be awful. You are the weakest link with the weakest anus and you’ll forever be the poopy pants monster.
Let me wobble back to my corner, Joe Pa knew.