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Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Episode 6: Someone Gets Fired

BadGalAli

Last week was a very heavy Brent and Sara episode that ended with a huge fight and Sara being 100% #DONE with Brent. I expect this to last about half an episode.

Continuing the trend of only being able to focus on 2 cast members per episode, it’s clear this is going to be the Alex episode. Not that I’m mad but he is just not messy enough for this show. Panos is generously giving him some time off to visit his cute grandma nearby. It appears Alex has more PTO than I do, and Panos is letting Gabi and Aristotle go with him. What a boss.

At the work assignment meeting, Panos thinks Gabi, Jules and May are the weakest links, so he puts them in charge of this weeks most VIP VIP guests. When the girls split up, everyone is annoyed at Gabi because she is trying to work and it’s just too much. This guest wants sushi and a macaroon tower which is ridiculous for a beach club in Mykonos. No matter how much money I have if you gave me a crisp bottle of savignon blanc and some french fries; I’m good.

This whole thing seems extremely hard to coordinate in like an hour when they don’t speak Greek and have no one available to make sushi or macaroons. Lindsay really putting them through the ringer just for the thrill of it.

The general vibe is that everyone is really started to hate May, which is fair because it’s a boring month. It’s not summer, but we get a few nice days here and there so you don’t really know what type of jacket to wear.

Alex is going to visit his Yiayia and is worried about telling her he is gay. She seems like kind of a cool chick so we’ll see how this goes later in the episode.

The hosts are going out to the club. It is unclear if they have the night off or if they are supposed to be promoting the club when Lindsay ambushes them drinking in a corner. Imagine if someone had gone and ambushed Lindsay in her peak partying days? We were all robbed of this intervention episode with Dina Lohan and Paris Hilton carrying Lindsay drunk from a club offering her a trip to Passages Malibu. “Dear Lindsay, this is not hot.”

During the ambush, Lindsay (who is potentially under the influence of some kind or is truly just fucking weird) snaps at Jules for talking over her, even though she definitely did not talk over her at any point. Lindsay’s still got the power to have 6′ blonde models submit to her, but I’m excited to see Kailah’s best effort coming up.

After being in Mykonos for 3 days, Kailah is spitting facts about how fucked up Panos and Lindsay are running this thing. Does Lindsay want a reality show or good employees? You can’t have both. If you want them to just serve Italian instagram models Perrier I’m quitting these recaps. I’d rather watch Bar Rescue.

In one of my favorite sequences of reality TV, Lindsay erratically jumps from a small boat directly into the water to shore to rescue a lobster that someone has put on ice.

I don’t know the rules of preserving lobster except that I usually see them in a fish tank with elastics over their claws at the grocery store and not on ice. Lindsay picks one select lobster to save and I’m pretty sure she just left the elastics on and threw it back into the ocean where lobsters shouldn’t be. That lobster could have been some international side piece’s light lunch but instead it’s at the bottom of a beach with no way of defending itself. It’s Emmy award winning TV.

Someone is talking and Brent wants to put a pillow over her mouth to shut her up. Brent is literal scum, and potentially even a serial killer. Please be the one that gets fired and STAY STRONG Sara. Did you guys know that Brent works at the Wynn, in Vegas? Imagine trying to come at nice guy kings like Billy or Aristotle on Twitter? I would love for them to compare DM’s to see who the real winner is here.

The VIP guest this week is another Instagram thot who says she is the Queen of Perfection. Luckily she seems like a handful that Brent is going to in charge of fucking this afternoon. Just kidding he is cleaning her hooker heels off with a towel, make him WORK girl!

I like Alex a lot and this storyline with his grandma is super inspirational, but this is too uplifting for reality TV. Need more of May telling Lindsay she is using alcohol to wake her up.

Panos is addicted to firing people and he hasn’t got to do it once yet this season, but when the VIP guests are late and May and Jules leave to help someone else, Panos decided that is the last straw. Brent literally had his estranged GF take over for a high maintenance guest he didn’t want to make out with and he is staying, and we now find out that May is the one being fired. Lindsay is having a ‘hard time’ firing May because she is just too nice of a person (her words not mine), but luckily Panos is not. He is a stone cold savage and I’m impressed that May didn’t cry more than she did.

Next week looks epic and it looks like Sara and Brent are back on. I could throw up.

 

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