I Think I’m Over Kyrie…

So today is Valentine’s Day. Normally, I tend to remain topical on holidays. I like to talk about the various idiosyncrasies with concerns to said holiday; however, I already did that because I thought Valentine’s Day was yesterday. In other words, I’m a complete fucking moron so if you’re looking for a your annual dose of Joey Boats Valentine-themed dribble, navigate elsewhere…

If not, I have other things I want to get off my chest. As you guys know, I’m a big time New England Sports fan. I’ve seen athletes comes and go over the last two decades and, although this will nauseate those outside the realm of Boston, some guys just “click” here while others don’t.

For the record, I like Kyrie Irving. I think he’s a top five player in the league and arguably the best ball handler/around-the-rim finisher since James Naismith first nailed a peach basket but sometimes talent isn’t everything.

Even before Kyrie came here, it was pretty clear the guy was a little different. The whole “flat Earth” narrative was pretty eye-opening. I’m not one of those “Shut up and dribble” guys, but sometimes you just need to look an athlete in the face and think, “Wow, this guy really just isn’t as smart as he evidently thinks he is.” Just because you question common wisdom doesn’t make you a genius; on the contrary, it often makes you an asshole.

That said, his whole flat Earth take isn’t necessarily what bothers me. It’s the ego that generated the take in the first place.

Common presumption will tell you that Kyrie left Cleveland to either a.) get away from Lebron (can’t blame him); b.) be the leader of his own team; or c.) both.

So far, he’s done neither of that. Earlier this season he mentioned the team needed a 15-year vet to help guide the squad throughout out the course of an 82-game season. Ummm bro, that’s why we pulled up the Brinks truck to get your ass here.

Even more recently, Kyrie mentioned that he phoned Lebron—the breathing embodiment of lacking self awareness—and had a longwinded conversation concerning the difficulty of managing a team from a star perspective. Ummm bro, part of the reason you left Cleveland was to get away from how Lebron managed a team from a star perspective.

Not to mention, Kyrie has seemingly become Lebron in that sense. All year, all I’ve had to listen to postgame press conferences is how difficult it is to manage the “young guys.” Ummm bro, those young guys are the same young guys that reached Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals (against your buddy Lebron) without you. Not only without you on the court, but you also didn’t even fly with the team for that final game because you scheduled surgery for a deviated septum—a surgery Danny Ainge jokingly insinuated had something to do with your “movie career.”

In other words, instead of managing your young guys for the biggest game of their career, you decided to manage your appearance in preparation for some D-list, shit movie based off a Sprite commercial. Like, give me a break dude.

All that aside, the proof is in the pudding: this team plays better without Kyrie on the court. Are they a better team without him? I’d say no, but guess what? As I said, they were a few minutes away from a Finals birth last year and are 9-2 without him this year—one of those wins coming this past Tuesday against that soft-ass Sixers team that’s supposed to be the iron of the Eastern Conference.

All THAT aside, earlier this month when Kyrie was questioned about whether or not he’d resign with the Celtics this offseason, Kyrie politely told reporters to ask him July 1st, and also kindly added that he doesn’t owe anybody shit.

Be that as it may, I’m not sure I can accept that as an answer. I understand this is the era of player empowerment in the NBA, but let me ask you something: Where the fuck are you going to go, dude? What position could possibly be better than the one you’re in right now?

Think about this:

1. Kyrie’s playing in arguably the best NBA market
2. Kyrie’s playing for arguably the most dedicated NBA fanbase
3. Kyrie’s playing for arguably the best NBA upper management
4. Kyrie’s playing for arguably the best NBA head coach
5. Kyrie’s playing with arguably the second most talent on an NBA roster

I understand a lot of that is subjective but I don’t know man, what situation could be any better than that?

So yeah, as I said, Kyrie’s a top 5 NBA player in the league right now in my opinion. The Celtics are a better team with him than without him, but if we’re being excruciatingly honest, I could give a fuck if he’s here or not.

In closing, the Celtics’ are on a two-game winning streak since Kyrie took a seat. Luckily, I guess he’ll be good to go for All Star Weekend, presumably to network. Get a LinkedIn, dude…

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)