Why Would Brady Ever Retire Right Now?

Joey Boats

So it’s currently my day off, which isn’t really true because I’m a journalist—a profession where there are no days off. The news doesn’t sleep and neither do I (I kinda do though), which is why I have to deliver that hard-hitting journalistic analysis that once earned me a half-hearted “good job today” from El Pres during Barstool’s Idol Week. 

Anyway, it also happens to be the Wednesday before the Super Bowl and I’m starting to get that annual tickle in the heart of my balls again. For those keeping score at home, this is Brady’s 9th Super Bowl trip, as well as mine. I’ve always said that a large portion of why the Patriots are so great is because their fans reciprocate that championship passion.

In other words, when the Pats eventually stomp out McVay & Friends this Sunday, I’ll officially have 6 Super Bowls under my belt. It’s a tough life to live because the weight is backbreaking, but I can take it—I’m a Patriots fan.

Anyway, for those who know me, I’m a genius. I very rarely bring this up because I’m incredibly humble, but being extraordinarily smart often allows me to predict the future. My brain is so large that I have developed the ability to predict particular things, even when I know what I predict is completely predicated on luck. That’s why they (me) call me Joestradamus.

Anyway, I have a buddy in one of my group chats who’s your textbook fraud. Spent Weeks 6-15 talking about how the Patriots are done and Brady’s over the hill; spent the last month talking about how none of that was true and Brady is actually still good; therefore, he’ll win this year and retire.

Now, normally I would dig a little deeper at such a 180-degree opinion change, but you know what? I’m used to this stuff by now…

People outside of New England love to make their little comments. They crouch amidst the brush, awaiting to pounce like a ravenous cobra whenever Belichick or Brady indicate even the slightest evidence that they may not have been forged by the Gods.

Then, when the foundation of their opinion crumbles to dust, it’s as if they never said anything to begin with. However, this time, I have him in the corner.

When my buddy changed his opinion for seemingly the 30th time this season, he committed the Cardinal sin of sports journalism these days: he finally said Brady would retire.

Obviously, since I’m a genius, I said that wouldn’t happen and, wouldn’t ya know? Brady said there’s a 0% chance that would happen earlier in the week. Now, I’m not saying I’m always right but there’s a zero percent I’m ever wrong.

Because although everyone in the world thinks Brady should retire, it doesn’t really make sense to me…

First and foremost, for a guy like Brady, competition gets your rocks off. He’s never been highly athletic, however, if there’s room to compete, he’ll sink his teeth into that real estate. The reason most guys like that ever retire is because, well, they just can’t do it anymore.

Am I going to sit here and suggest Brady has shown zero signs of aging? No. But am I going to sit here and suggest a cliff’s coming? No.

Brady’s performance against the Chargers was nothing short of immaculate and what he was able to accomplish against the Chiefs in the final 5 minutes two Sundays ago was intoxicating to say the least.

Not to mention, isn’t the position that Brady’s in right now the reason you play the game? Whether it’s sports or business or whatever, you engage in that industry so that one day, you can reach a position of upmost respect and expertise.

Tom Brady’s already considered the greatest quarterback of all time. That respect is not only reciprocated by those he shares a locker room with, but also, those he shares the field with. Such a palpable level of respect is literally what you spend an entire career longing to achieve.

The guy’s been doing it long enough that he’s seen seemingly every coverage, as well as every situation. The game slows down for him at this point. He’s never had to use his legs much and everyone knows that those are the first to go. You hear enough interviews of former quarterbacks and the one thing they all seem to express is that they still have the gun. It’s the trunk that goes before the branches, and as I said, Brady’s never needed it anyway.

Essentially, when it’s all said and done, Brady has complete control. When you start to lose that control, it’s most often due to a regression in play; if you haven’t displayed any evidence of that, what’s the point of walking away? This is paradise…

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

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