Let’s Face It: Julian Edelman’s Beard Is Gross

BadGalAli

Athletes and fans like myself are notorious for a few superstitious traditions. I, for one, have worn the same Gronk jersey since about 2013 and I haven’t washed it once. The sweat from the 2014 AFC divisional game vs. Baltimore, Malcolm Butler pick against Seattle, 28-3…all happened in that dirty Gronk jersey. I know the minute I wash that jersey the dynasty is going to end. So every game I pull that jersey over my head and look down at the guac stains and wine spills and I know I’m contributing to the success of this franchise.

In the same vein, every year Julian Edelman curates a thick playoff beard. He usually starts the season with a light scruff, a favorite among the ladies.

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However, once January comes around he’s in full mountain man mode. It’s cold as fuck in New England, so I get the logistics behind it anyways; a built in scarf.

We tolerate it because we know he’s too busy focused on the playoffs to care about a little manscaping. Seeing Edelman with a babyface in January just doesn’t make any sense. Our favorite Edelmemories include this thick beard.

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This year Edelman started the season coming off an ACL injury, with a 4 game suspension for a substance that the NFL has still refused to identify. When he returned to action week 5 against the Colts, both Edelman and the beard were already in early December form.

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Since then, the beard has taking on a life if its own.

 

 

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Here is Edelman heading into Atlanta for Super Bowl 53.

I’ve got to admit beards are not my thing. I like a little scruff but a full beard grosses me out–it just reminds me of pubes, you can blame Jackass for that. It also annoys me that guys can just grow a beard to hide their double chin, but I just have to leave mine exposed as fuel for all the Twitter trolls.

But there’s something specific about Edelman’s beard that exceptionally grosses me out. I don’t know if it’s standard beard placement but Edelman’s seems to grow a little far into his cheeks. In my mind a beard is a jawline specific look. Once it starts creeping up the cheeks you start to lose facial recognition. The only other face beard I’ve seen at Edelman’s level is Chad from the Bachelor. That thing has almost reached the eyeballs.

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Take my word for it, Julian Edelman has a very good looking face. But I can barely see it!  At this point it’s just nose, eyes and forehead. It hasn’t been trimmed in months, ironic for someone who literally stares at the Gillette logo every single day. It’s scraggly, unkempt, and frankly gross.

Whatever it takes to bring home another Lombardi trophy in Atlanta, Edelman. I’ll wear my dirty Gronk jersey and you rock that gross cheek beard. But when you come home we’ve got the clippers ready.

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@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

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