Woman Shot After Performing Sexual Act For $5 And Some Pringles

Fox 29 “A woman in Florida was shot by a man after she performed a sexual act on him for $5 and some Pringles chips, deputies said.

After the sex act was performed, the suspect demanded his $5 back and shot her in the shoulder, deputies reportedly said. The shooter then ran away from the scene.

The woman did not suffer any life-threatening injuries and authorities continue to investigate.”

If we took the “in Florida” part I think everyone would still know this had to have happened in the sunshine state. Which makes me wonder, is it about time we changed Florida’s state slogan? Thinking sunshine state no longer is the best representation of Florida.

Here are a few ideas I’d like to suggest:

  • Florida: The Fun Crime State
  • Florida: We’re a Shart Come To Life
  • The Yup, Us Again State
  • Florida: We Won’t Kill You, We’ll Keep You!
  • The Hold My Bath Salt State

Just spit-balling there but I think one of those five are more accurate than the sham they have going now with that sunshine nonsense.

Anyway back the story at hand here, a lot to unpack. First let me say I’m glad Jane Hoe wasn’t seriously injured but I need to know, how bad could that “sexual act” have been performed that a man needs to demand his $5 back? I mean $5 for any sexual act is a steal. Even an OTPHJ for a 5 spot isn’t a bad deal at all and we all know this was no HJ. Florida doesn’t have time for hand stuff, add The No Hand Stuff State to the list above.

Another thing I need to know, how did the negotiation for this transaction go?

Man: “Hey, looking for some acts to be performed on my penis.”

Florida 5: “How much you got?”

Man: “$5?”

F5: “Ehhhh not interested”

Man: “Wait wait!! I also have a handful of Pringles.”

F5: “…………..quick my shift at Walmart starts soon.”

Let this be a cautionary tale to all you ladies out there. If a man offers you $5 and a handful of your favorite snack, walk away. Some things are just too good to be true. A wise man once said, you can’t have your Pringles and eat them too.


Featured Image: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

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