“Bitch You Wasn’t With Me Using Dial Up Internet In The Garage.” Breaking: Jeff Bezos Might Lose $70 Billion Dollars In His Divorce.


It is 2019, so Jeff Bezos naturally took to Twitter to announce his divorce. I know the gold digger community has been refreshing his page every few minutes waiting for Jeff to ditch his wife of 25 years, and today they finally get their chance.

Jeff and his with MacKenzie have been together for 25 years. They got married in 1993, a few years before Jeff became a bazillionare, so they likely don’t even have a prenup. This means that in the state of Washington, MacKenzie might get half of his $137 billion dollar net worth.

These two met when Jeff interviewed MacKenzie for a job at a hedge fund, so clearly she’s not the gold digging trophy wife type.

MacKenzie is a novelist, who studied under Toni Morrison and won an American Book Award in 2006 for “The Testing of Luther Albright.”  She’s also the Executive Director of an anti-bullying org. called Bystander Revolution. -TMZ.com

MacKenzie seems like the ultimate bad bitch. Went to Princeton, married a nerd with the potential to become a billionaire and cashed out after 25 years. It may not be what she wanted, but I think she’ll survive. They have 4 kids so it’s not like she was ever going to be poor in a divorce but it’s very smart of her to keep it amicable knowing the likelihood of getting that 50%. Some people have goals like making the world a better place, saving lives…but mine is to marry a billionaire before he’s rich enough to warrant a prenup and then take half his money. Savage.

Look at the glow up on these two though and remember if you’re having a bad day–you’re not ugly you’re just poor.

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