So Trevor Lawerence just won the National Championship. You may say to yourself ok cool, so what? Trevor Lawerence is a true freshman…
That means the dude, actually… THE KID last year at this time was in high school. Walking around the halls in his varsity jacket. Getting half priced apps after 9 at Applebee’s after making out with a girl in the movies. Going to the nurse to skip class.
And now… He’s a national champion. He’s the leader of a 15-0 Championship Clemson football team and just murdered Nick Saban live on ESPN. The kid hasn’t even been driving for two years.
If this kid won a national title first year… It got me to thinking… What were my top 5 major accomplishments during my first semester in college?
1. Figuring out how to get to class.
I went to college in the age before “smart shit.” Way before phones had GPS and before Garmin or our friend TomTom was created. So I had to go on a little thing called MapQuest (google it kids) and READ directions on a piece of paper. It was a big accomplishment figuring out how to get places without walking/driving in circles.
2. Actually Attending Class.
I mean my parents dropped me off at this place with nothing but other kids my age and left. With parental guidance in the rear view mirror it was really up to me to do the right thing. At 18 really balancing the partying and video games with actually doing the school thing. (I did drop my 8AM first semester but that’s a different story for a different day.)
3. Choosing the best ONE picture.
Back then Facebook or “TheFaceBook” as it was known was only for college kids. Not parents, old people or 3rd graders. It was so we could keep in touch with HS friends, meet girls (or guys) and say Happy Birthday. That’s it! And… You had ONE picture, yup ONE. Trying to find that one picture that to show your HS friends you were having a better time at college than they were. Do you know how hard that was without “selfies” or just clicking a button on your phone. We had to bring a camera to parties, then plug said camera into a computer, the search through them all and upload them to TheFaceBook. It took major practice to perfect.
4. Eating a Vegetable.
I mean again, parental guidance was in the review mirror. Full pizzas were 7 bucks, massive amounts of Chinese food was under 10 bucks. There was a different wing night for every day that ended in a Y. (The celery counts right?!) It was a god damn miracle for me to eat anything green. And usually that was a chicken Cesar salad with extra dressing, but shit… It was green!
5. Perfected my Drinking Form.
Do you want to become a legend or be a bum? Those were your two choices in the college Drinking Game arena. It took practice, it took patients, it took a will to win and a tolerance for Natty Light to become perfect. “Beer in Hand” was not just a saying but a lifestyle. The flick of the wrist, the stare down, the distraction… All things that needed to be perfected before hitting the big leagues of drinking games. I worked tirelessly day and night to make sure no matter what game it was, Beer Pong, Flip Cup, Baseball, Wiffleball… I could hang with and beat the best.
You can have your National Championship Trevor Lawerence. That’s just ONE thing you accomplished in your first year in college. Look how many important and difficult things I accomplished. That’s the type of real things hero’s are made of.
*Oh yeah I forgot laundry… I learned how to do… Who am I kidding I had girls help me do that or waited until I went home and had my mom do my laundry!
-Kmess. “That Guy”
Yup... I’m that guy