Personally, even though I’ve had some great ones, New Year’s Eve is the most over rated holiday of the year. Shits prices are jacked up and I swear they water down all the liquor at clubs or bars. Still we find ourselves having fun and getting drunk and waking up in places you’d never imagine. Here’s my list of my own, and my friends worst places we’ve awoken on New Year’s Day.
10. Buddies Couch – I’m sorry if you’re reading this but shit man your couch sucks. We’ve had the best NYE’s but the next morning I wake up and need a chiropractor. What’s odd is it’s the comfiest couch to sit on, but shit it sucks to sleep on.
9. My Car – I worked at a certain High Class Center City Luxury Hotel for a long time in their Valet Department. 7 years to be exact meaning I drew shifts on at least four of them. One year I traded my entire weekends shifts for a 36 Hour Marathon shift surrounding New Year’s Eve. I worked from 8 pm December 30th till 8 am New Year’s Day. At the end I was exhausted but I did get in power naps in between and made some serious loot in tips. I said to myself I’ll take a short nap before driving home to sleep. 8 hours later I awoke in my old ass Saturn SC2 and not in my own bed. Oh well shit happens.
8. Chevy Blazer Trunk – This isn’t a theme but it happened twice. I went to the bar New Year’s Eve with a bunch of friends and I had parked outside their apartment. I planned on staying sober until some prick started fucking with me. We got into an altercation and he left the bar. Little did I know this dude was bullying a bunch of people and they all expected me to take shots. I stayed to late to crash at my friends place and ended up sleeping off my drunken self in the trunk of my blazer. Never drink and drive people.
7. Frat House Sofa – Man have you ever been in a fraternity house? Their sofas are just crusty gross pieces of cloth and wood. So much beer and other fluids not to be named spilled all over them. I got off my shift at the Ritz one year two hours before New Years. Went back to my fraternity house We’re we had a pretty good party. The combination of alcohol and fatigue led me to waking up on the grossest sofa in the joint.
6. Sharing Buddies Pullout Sofa – Man I don’t miss my twenties. One year I woke up in the worst sofa bed ever. Bar in my back and snores from the 9 other people crashing there, led to my first Uber ride ever.
5. Exes Bed – My buddy made us promise that we wouldn’t let him do it. Well we all got too drunk for that and obviously so did he. I think they got back together that night too leading to 3-4 more months of misery for the poor guy.
4. Bed after Surgery – I had to have an emergency Tonsillectomy on December 30 one year and shit man was this a bad way to wake up. You can’t eat, sleeping is miserable and if you’re someone like me you like talking everyone’s ears off and now talking is impossible.
3. Frat House Floor – Do I need to explain why this is worse than the sofas?
2. Bathroom Floor – Now this has happened to a friend of mine and myself. I was 8 and had food poisoning and he was 28 and tried drinking like a college freshmen. Either way puking all night after the ball drops sucks and is one of the worst ways to wake up New Years Day.
1. Dumpster – I wasn’t there for this but I did coordinate the search for him from overseas the next morning. I had a friend who was a foreign exchange student to the USA. We stayed close and he went back to his home country where through Skype and Facebook I befriended his friends as well. I got 6-7 unintelligible international $15 texts before my New Years from him and tried getting ahold of the rat bastard to tell him to stop. The next morning I contacted his roommate to complain. His roommate hadn’t seen him. Neither did his friends who I contacted. They all said he left a bar and they hadn’t seen him since. I helped coordinate them all to look for him with no luck. Roommate returns to their apartment just as he does at 8pm their time. Story is he woke up in a dumpster with no money and a large bag of drugs next to him in the dumpster. God knows what he got himself into.
Happy New Year Everyone!!!