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Basic Bitchin’: No One Cares About Your Top 9 of 2018

Let’s face it, posting on social media is one of the most self-centered parts of our lives. There’s a reason Nosedive is one of the most scary and accurate episodes of Black Mirror. We all post pictures that we hope are going to get likes and nothing is a bigger hit to your ego than only getting 9 likes on a photo of a pretty sunset you saw or god forbid, a pic of your face.

At the end of the year there is nothing a basic bitch loves to do more than look back at all of the memz of her best boomerangs, avocado toasts and thirst traps of the year. And with the inception of the top 9 trend on Instagram, we are all blessed enough to relive everyone’s top 9 liked photos of the year.

I had hoped this would have died down over 3 years ago when it first started, but as the year winds to an end, I am once again being suffocated with everyone’s top 9 photos of the year.

Really hate to break the news to everyone but like most things on social media, no one fucking cares. We saw the photos when you originally posted them sometime between January-December, and you will not get my pity double like. I’m not going to fall for it.

That picture of your baby laying on a blanket celebrating it’s 3 month birthday next to a pumpkin? I already hate-liked it in October. The one of you standing in front of a floral wall with a witty Drake caption? I seent it and double tapped it so you’d return the favor. Your wedding day portrait mode shot of your engagement ring next to your hubby’s shoes? Saw it but purposely didn’t like it. What the fuck is up with that setup anyways? What are you possibly going to do with that photo? Get it out of my face.

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Unless your top 9 of 2018 looks like this, we do not give on single fuck.

To try and get some good #content for this blog, I wanted to check out my top 9 for the year for my own personal records. I went to Spain and France, competed in Barstool Idol and posted a shitload of cute pictures of my cat so 2018 was a really good Instagram year for me and I don’t need some top 9 post to know that. Even though I scroll through my own Instagram feed at least once a week to see what a random stranger would see if they went back to 2012 (hint: more cute photos of my cat), I couldn’t see my top 9 if I wanted to because all of you basic bitches are crashing the system.

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A few days?! We’re going to be onto diet and exercise videos and New Years resolutions in a few days–I don’t have that kind of time.

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

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