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Friday Night Frights!

Matt Holland

Well, it’s the (second) most wonderful time of the year folks! Christmas is coming this Tuesday so for this very special weekend, I decided I obviously should do a Christmas edition of Friday Night Frights! I’m going to suggest not only 1, but 5 Christmas themed horror movies that you can watch from tonight through Christmas day! Now I warn you, these aren’t necessarily “good”. In fact, some are just awful. Like… 80’s horror blended with dogshit, the acting talent of Kristen Stewart, tinsel and a dash of annoying ass pine needles that you’re going to find everywhere until next December. Some are on this list because they’re so bad that it’s actually entertaining. So, get out your holiday drink of choice (mine is egg nog with some Captain Morgan), and cuddle up (or wrap gifts if you’re one of those last minute shoppers) and check out some of these Christmas frights!

5. Jack Frost – This movie is bad. Like, really really bad. It’s so bad that I laugh throughout most of it, but that’s kind of the point. As a convicted serial killer is being transported for execution via truck in a terrible snow storm, there is a car accident that causes a truck full of “genetic material” to spill onto him. This essentially disintegrates him like an acid, but it also causes his DNA to bond with the snow and just like that, we have a killer snowman on our hands. Full of terrible effects, music, acting and overall writing, this absolutely ridiculous movie is a must watch if you enjoy making fun of awesomely bad movies.

4. Silent Night Deadly Night – This is better than Jack Frost, but still isn’t an award winner. That being said, this is seen as a cult classic as far as holiday horror is concerned. This movie is about a teen whose parents are murdered, causing him to go on a killing spree while dressed as the beloved Santa Claus. This movie is as 80’s slasher flick as you can get, but entertaining non the less.

3. Black Christmas (Xmas) 2006 – This is a remake of a film from 1974. Basically, this is like a more fucked up twist on the premise of the movie “Halloween”, and obviously taking place on Christmas. I don’t want to give away too many details of the back story, but yes, it is about a mental patient who escapes and returns home on Christmas. This movie is entertaining simply because of how messed up it is. There are some brutal killings in this movie. If that is something that you’re into, check it out. If you’re squeamish, don’t.

2. Gremlins – Honestly, who doesn’t love this movie? Definitely a classic in its own right, this movie has entertained generations. A great blend of horror and comedy, this movie is definitely a must watch around the holidays, or in general. If “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie, so is Gremlins. The premise is that a boy receives an adorable pet called a Mogwai. This pet comes with a very specific set of instructions for its care. Fail to obey these rules, and there will be hell to pay and the adorable Mogwais, aren’t so adorable anymore.

1. Krampus – I seriously love this movie. This one is another good blend of comedy and horror. It is based on the lure of the mythical creature of the same name. For those who don’t know, Krampus punishes children who have misbehaved, as opposed to Santa Claus who rewards the well-behaved children of the world. As always with family gatherings for the holidays, there is tension rising and it only gets worse once the massive blizzard hits and the “Anti-Claus” comes around. If you watch any from this list, I highly suggest it’s this one! (hint it’s on FXM on demand)

 

I’m a lover or horror at all times of the year, even the most joyous and wonderful. If you’re reading this, hopefully you are too and will give each of these films a view over the next five nights. If you don’t have access to them, find a way. You can do it. I believe in you.

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