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Carmelo Anthony Joining The Lakers Will Push Me Over The Edge

I’m currently in the bargaining stage of accepting LeBron into my life as a Los Angeles Laker. I don’t particularly mind not being below .500 and I may actually enjoy a Lakers Christmas game for the first time in a few years.

But if the Lakers sign Carmelo Anthony, and the rumors are SWIRLING, it will destroy me. I pitied the teams that would give Carmelo $25 million dollars and expect him to help deliver them a championship. Imagine being that desperate? And sure, the Lakers are desperate to be good in the short term, but I’m just not sure adding Carmelo Anthony to a roster of LeBron James, Rajon Rondo, JaVale McGee, Michael Beasley, Lance Stephenson, Lonzo Ball, and Tyson Chandler is really the move here, Magic. I know LeBron probably told him to sign his friend so they could have fun in LA and get Carmelo and Lala back together and Magic probably contractually has to do whatever he says but I do not take orders from LeBron James, and there’s no way Carmelo Anthony is going to positively affect what the Lakers are trying to do this year. Jeanie Buss is our only hope.

2 days ago John Salley, looking high as fuck at the airport, winked at this reporter and told him Carmelo Anthony will be on the Lakers before the All Star Break. You’ve got to be high as balls to talk with such enjoyment to anyone at the airport, let alone a paparazzi.

Then LeBron and Carmelo were spotted getting dinner this week in NYC. Carmelo knows the only way to get Lala back is just to consistently be average but persistent, which seems very attainable for him.

1218-lebron-james-carmelo-anthony-backgrid-4When asked if he wanted Carmelo to join the Lakers, LeBron said,

“I don’t run the team and obviously there’s some things that need to be worked out on both sides,” he said. “But I’ve always wanted to play along Melo and if the opportunity presents itself, it would be great. So we’ll see what happens.”

In other news, Magic got fined $50K for saying Giannis was going to win a championship for the Bucks one day but it’s cool for LeBron to openly tell the media he will be telling the Lakers to sign Melo? Maybe that’s why I still have trouble learning to accept LeBron. He’s the teachers pet and no one fucking likes the teacher’s pet.

The person this is going to hurt the most in this situation in Chris Paul; he’s sensitive. I still hold a grudge with David Stern–Chris Paul in his prime should have been a Laker, playing with Kobe and Pau for one more ring. Now, the Lakers have Rajon Rondo so we can be sure Chris Paul is staying far, far away but the thought of your two best friends hanging out, drinking wine, and playing basketball together all the time without you has to suck.

@aliweitz

@badgalstoolie

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