Alright guys, it’s Friday and I have to be honest with you: I’m sick as a dog right now. I’m stuffed up worse than Interstate 90 during rush hour and my head feels heavier than Chris Christie waltzing out of a Little Caesars. For those who remember (both of you), I wrote a blog earlier this week belittling the severity of the romaine lettuce E. coli advisory and it read as follows:
I’ve heard rumblings on the local news about a mass recall on Romaine lettuce due to its linkage with a recent breakout of E. coli infections but, since I’m a world class athlete and not a complete pussy, I ignored it like I do everything else. If I get E. coli, then good. I’m not afraid of leaves, bro. I’ll wear that shit…
Now, I know what most of you guys are thinking: “But Joe, you most likely just have a common cold of sorts. Surely, you don’t have E.Coli.”
Well, that’s where you’re wrong. I have E. Coli and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just need to savor these final moments on Earth through the vehicle of WordPress. In other words, if you aren’t clicking on my blogs, I’m losing self importance; the more I lose self importance, the less I want to fight; the less I want to fight, the more of a chance I have of dying. In other words, if you neglect to feed me page views, you might as well be driving a wooden stake through my esophagus. Act accordingly…
Harry Potter Update: So I finished the fifth installment, The Order of the Phoenix, last night and, with all things considered, it disappointed. I’ll get more into this tomorrow but so far, here are my rankings:
5. Order of the Phoenix
4. The Sorcerer’s Stone
3. The Chamber of Secrets
2. The Goblet of Fire
1. The Prisoner of Azkaban
In sporting news, the Red Sox resolved what I considered to be their biggest offseason concern by signing Nathan Eovaldi. Evidently, the front office locked down the 28-year-old playoff messiah to the tune of a four-year deal worth nearly 70-million. In my opinion, that’s ashtray money considering what this guy has proven he can provide.
Sure, he’s had two Tommy John surgeries—which is more likely to be an issue than not—but I just don’t think you can put a high enough price tag on a guy who can take the hill on three days’ rest and give you 6-7 strong innings in late October. High-profile postseason arms are a rarity in the league, so when you have the ear of one, you pull up the Brink’s truck. Not to mention, the guy throws absolute ROCKETS out there. Good luck hitting a triple-digit fastball, offset by a backbreaking cutter in sub-60 degree weather.
So yeah, I’m happy about the signing, which brings me to a question I’ve been entertaining since the Duck Boats rolled down Landsdowne Street a little over a month ago: Was Nathan Eovaldi’s Game 3 pitching performance the greatest in Red Sox history?
For the record, that headline is a bit of clickbait—and if you’re reading this, you bit—because Curt Schilling’s “Bloody Sock” game is unanimously considered to own that real estate but let me just throw this argument out here (in the form of bullet points for easier consumption):
- Nathan Eovaldi spent less than half a season in Boston; therefore, he was working with half a year’s worth of chemistry with our bullpen/catching staff.
- Nathan Eovaldi entered in a game in which there was a zero percent chance he should’ve ever pitched (same with Schilling).
- Nathan Eovaldi entered a game AFTER midnight—a situation no athlete has ever prepared for.
- Nathan Eovaldi went SEVEN innings of scoreless ball.
- Nathan Eovaldi didn’t have the luxury of giving up a run or two and still squeaking out with a win. Literally, EVERY pitch mattered.
- Nathan Eovaldi threw his outing during the World Series, rather than the ALCS (this isn’t really a good argument considering one could argue the circumstances surrounding Schilling’s Game 6 performance came with greater pressure due to the whole curse/rivalry narrative)
So yeah, I’m not here to definitively say that Eovaldi’s performance was greater than Schilling’s, but DO NOT try to tell me the discussion isn’t warranted. Gun to my head, I’d still give the nod to Schilling based off the pageantry/nostalgia of it all but when you address the situation with nothing but objectivity, the answer’s a lot more difficult than it looks on face value.
Side Note: I’m actually pretty sick right now. Not to brag, but this is why I’m so good. I could’ve rested today. I could’ve allowed sickness to manipulate my integrity. I could’ve folded like a cheap lawn chair, but I didn’t. This blog is going to down in the pantheon of all time great blogging performances. Put it in stone…
– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)