Last night On Monday Night Football the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Washington Redskins 28-13 in a fairly boring game. It was a one point Eagle lead going into the 4th but there was never a doubt. Mark Sanchez was never going to win and as the game played out the Eagles won easily. If not for a 90 yard TD run it would have been an even bigger blow out. If we are honest about it, it had the feelings of a preseason game not a Monday Night Football game with the NFC East on the line, this blog is not about that though. This has nothing to do with the game, the ins and outs of the playoff race or anything. This is about the tragedy America endured last night listening to the ESPN broadcast.
I say this with no hyperbole none what so ever. Jason Witten and Joe Tessitore attacked us last night. They corners us in a dark alley and made us listen to them speak nonsense for 4 hours. Four hours of a Monday Night Football game where they spoke about the game for 92 seconds. Folks, let’s review what Jason Witten and Joe Tess murdered our brains with.
Jason Witted spoke for 13 non stop minutes about Reuben Foster being a bad person and how he should not be allowed in this league or on any team. He spoke non stop about how laying your hand on a woman is disgusting and shameful. Let’s be real that is all very accurate stuff. However…
Witten is a hypocrite. He is a liar and shall be ousted as such! I’m not saying I disagree with anything he was saying. If you hit a woman you’re scum and a loser of the highest regard. It was just such an odd out-of-place conversation that they had during multiple plays and even at one point Sanchez threw a pic and they kept talking about domestic violence and just cut to commercial without even mentioning it. They ignore the entire game for a full 13 minutes.
The lack of detail watching the game. This annoyed me to know fucking end. They didn’t have any idea what was going on at some points and just acted like people who were watching football for the first time. One point Mark Sanchez threw the ball 3 yards down the field to Jordan Reed, on that same play Jordan Reed then threw it 3 yards down field to Chris Thompson, two very obvious forward passes. For you non football people Once you throw the ball forward you can no longer throw the ball forward. The Skins did it twice on the same drive and Witten and Tess just talked about how great and fun the play was. It didn’t get a first down or do anything but man they loved it. It was just so weird and annoying.
Continuing along the lines of this great tragedy was Jason Witten’s weird obsession with being hated in Philly. He couldn’t stop talking about booing Santa and when they arrived in Philly someone yelled “Hey Witten, YOU SUCK!” Besides the fact that, that never happened Witten went on and on about Philly hating him and how we are such tough angry people. It was weird. I’m not sure if Jason Witten is aware of this. He’s not really hated here. Hate to break it to you bro but nobody hates you. You were a tough hard-nosed good football player that never won a thing. We don’t care about your non ring having ass. You’re a non factor, congrats on the hall of fame though, well deserved.
I wish that was it but it wasn’t. Witten had a solid 7 minute love affair of Zach Ertz. Couldn’t stop talking about how cool Ertz is. Then as soon as Booger brought up how Ertz is going to smash Witten’s record for receptions in a season. It got awkward. Witten got quiet and busted out with “RECORDS ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN! I HOPE HE BREAKS THEM ALL!” He was obviously not happy about his record being broken, even though it is not yet broken. It made everyone uneasy all over the country.
Thankfully the American Tragedy is over. We got through it. We survived. That is really all you can do in times like these, survive. We are a stronger tougher American people because of it, nothing can break our spirit and we will fight on. Momma said there would be days like this. Just happy to have it over.