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VERY DRAMATIC BACHELOR SPOILERS: Do Not Click This And Then Bitch At Me For Spoiling Colton’s Season

Reality Steve has done it again. For those of us sickos who get thrills from reading TV show spoilers, it’s certainly holiday season.

I feel like historically, its sac religious among Bachelor purists to openly discuss Reality Steve spoilers. I want to get rid of that stigma. The spoilers are out there for a reason and some of us have no self control. People who don’t read spoilers are the kind of people that don’t find out the gender of their kid and those people are very annoying for the rest of us normal people.

I’m giving you 3 paragraphs to stop reading if you don’t want to know what happened. We’re going to talk about it, see photos, make virgin jokes. WE DESERVED JASON OR BLAKE but I guess we have to talk about Colton!!!

Obviously all credit to Reality Steve, who has the best job in the world despite getting sued every year. He always nails it even when he doesn’t. No one really gives a fuck about Colton’s season anyways so these spoilers are about to make it even more fucking lame.

Still has pictures of Tia on his Insta too which will probably have to come down once his new fiancé sees.

I’m just being honest here…marrying a virgin is not something high on the average ladies’ bucket list. I’m all for a hot former football player but I need to feel confident you know what you’re doing down there. I’ll happily provide tips and suggestions but I’m not about to teach an advanced college course. That’s just too much work.

This whole season is set to revolve around the fantasy suite situation given Colton is the first Bachelor that’s definitely not going to fuck all 3 girls.

The ending spoiler from Reality Steve is that Colton goes on one overnight date, and then goes on his second with a girl named Cassie. Sometime in that fantasy suite, probably after Colton gives her his final v card, he decides that sex with Cassie is enough for the next 3 months rest of his life and doesn’t need to go on any more overnights. Typical virgin.

What you need to know about Cassie is, naturally, she is 23 and from Huntington Beach California.

Image: RealitySteve
Image: RealitySteve

Apparently Cassie was a front runner the whole time and Steve told us weeks ago that if she didn’t win he’d be surprised.

The only think interesting about her as reported by Reality Steve is that her sister is also gorgeous and dating Gregg Sulkin, a TV version of Shawn Mendes. He also used to date Bella Thorne.

Cassie seems like an intimidating cool California chick, and I’m already sure she’s too good for Colton.

How they will drag this season out as the most dramatic season of all time is the only mystery still left. I’m still deciding if this is the season I pull the plug. Colton has already started with the cheesy, definitely not funny Instagrams. Somewhere Tia is watching with a full glass of wine, warming up her Twitter fingers.

Follow me

@aliweitz

@barstoolbadgal

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