Degenerate Dan’s NFL Week 11 Action

Last Week: 2-1

Season: 21-16-2

We are coming off yet another successful week and currently have our winning percentage at 56.7%, I’d like to extend a giant “fuck you” to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who gave us our only loss last week by somehow only scoring 3 points despite having 500 yards of total offense. Most teams couldn’t do that if bribed the players with post game coke and hookers.

Nonetheless, we came away with another winning week and are currently hitting at a very profitable percentage. Remember, even the best of the best sports bettors hit in the 55%-58% range. 21-16-2 may not seem like a crazy hot record, but if you could hit at this rate over the duration of a year, you could retire from your job. I know that if you are betting $20 a game, a 21-16-2 record doesn’t exactly give you a down payment on a condo, and that sometimes gives us the urge to play more games but trust me, that is exactly how books get you. Again this week, we only have three plays, because here at Branded Sports, we care about quality over quantity.

Arizona Cardinals -5 vs Oakland Raiders

On one hand, it is insane to lay five points with a team as putrid as Arizona. On the other hand, I love the shit out of this play because they are going to win somewhere in the 24-13 range.

On the surface, it looks like this is a coin flip game between two bad teams. But I am willing to lay a few points with the Cardinals because while Oakland has completely quit, the Cardinals have a new offensive coordinator and young players looking to prove themselves. They also don’t seem completely miserable as everyone on the Raiders does.

Since Byron Leftwich (yes this guy:)

has taken over as the team’s Offensive Coordinator, as somehow a team in 2018 thought it was prudent to start the season with Mike McCoy in that role. Since taking over, Leftwich has gotten the ball to Larry Fitzgerald, called runs that play to star David Johnson’s strengths and in my opinion, helped the development of QB Josh Rosen. Even if they have not been racking in the wins, they have looked much more competent. This young team knows that the chance for big wins are scarce this season,and this is a big one. I think they have a field day and thoroughly handle the Raiders.

Philadelphia Eagles New Orleans Saints over 56

If the Eagles score 20 points, this hits. And I think the Eagles are going to score 20 points. Sometimes my handicapping is that simple. The Eagles are currently employing a secondary made up of guys playing out of position, guys who were jobless up until two weeks ago, and guys who just suck. My expert analysis says that this is not ideal going into New Orleans. I really do think that the Saints offense has an absolute field day here, and in the event that my birds do pull off a miracle, they are going to have to do so in a shootout.

I will admit that the season outlook for my Eagles is not looking too hot for this season. However, at least our fans are not gigantic pussies:

Seriously, get out of here with that nonsense.

Kansans City Chiefs at Los Angeles Rams over 63.5

A common theme of my plays this season have been taking advantage of the fact that there are some games that are going to be such obvious shootouts but the books are still not comfortable placing totals in the 60s in the NFL yet. Well, they finally were forced to do so, making this the highest total in any NFL game ever, and I still love it to go over.

You don’t need me to tell you that both offenses are good. You don’t need me to tell you that both defenses are mediocre at best, probably closer to below average. I can’t see any way that the winner of this game doesn’t score 40, meaning the other side only has to score 24 for this to be a winner, and I don’t think that is too much to ask.

I see this being a back and forth shootout; the Rams will miss Cooper Kupp but Todd Gurley should be able to carve apart the Chief’s run defense. And the Chiefs can throw on anyone, and while the Rams surely have earned their reputation as contenders; their pass defense is actually pretty terrible.

This is all a lot of words that basically say; this is going to be an epic shootout. Watch the game fly over 70 and cash your ticket afterwards.

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