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CEO Joe vs Dear Abby

“DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I love each other very much and have been living together with our children for five years. We intend to get married soon. Here is the rub: She’s “old school.” She believes she should receive a diamond ring as part of the marriage proposal.

I would marry her tomorrow, but I don’t believe in spending thousands of dollars on a piece of carbon. I understand that somehow she equates her value/social status with the size of her wedding ring (“I deserve a nice ring”), but I don’t agree. I think the expense is unwarranted and, quite frankly, as the person paying for most of it, unfair.

She has offered to chip in and even buy one from a used wedding site, but I’d rather spend that money on something we could both enjoy or at least on something more practical that she can enjoy. I can find the money to buy the ring, but in my heart, I don’t see the value or buy into the fantasy the diamond industry has put into some women’s heads.

What do I do? Cave in and give her what she wants because I love her? Or push for a compromise, which will definitely be an uphill battle and potentially spoil what is supposed to be a special thing in our lives? — HUNG UP ON THE RING IN RENO

Abby – DEAR HUNG UP: I’m glad you asked. Give her the ring. It will be cheaper in the long run. Trust me on that. And in the future, when she asks what you would like for a gift, tell her your fantasy is that she’ll make a comparable down payment on your next car. That way, she can make your dream come true.”

CEO Joe – Dear Hung up: You suck. Listen, a lot about marriage is unnecessary. Tuxes are like $1 million to rent for 1 night, you have to get invitations that are made of special paper that is 20x more expensive than regular paper, and of course the flowers. They grow from the ground but somehow cost the price of a car come wedding time. These things are definitely unfair. But not buying your girlfriend aka the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN a ring because it costs money just means you don’t love this chick.

Cut your losses now and break up. Sucks for the kids but they will be happier with a dad that will actually take them out for ice cream instead of saying something like “ice cream costs too much, chew on these ice cubes.” And don’t get me wrong, you might be a great father, I have no idea, but it’s clear as day you’re a shitty human. Or a certified crazy person, to think this thought:

She’s “old school.” She believes she should receive a diamond ring as part of the marriage proposal.

Buddy that’s not old school, that’s just school. To marry a woman, it costs a diamond. Nothing is free you cheap bastard. So buy her the ring and let her tell you what to do for the rest of your life like the rest of us. Now excuse me as I go and ask my wife if my outfit matches so I can leave the house.

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