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The 312 Stomped The 313: 9 Thoughts On the Bears Win vs the Lions

Matt Nagy can officially say he did better than John Fox last season after this game. 6 wins > 5 wins. I can do math. Mrs. Mahaffy from my 8th grade math class would be proud.

The Bears beat the Lions 34-22 in a game that was equal parts dominant and equal parts WTF (looking at you, Cody Parkey). Sitting at 6-3 atop the NFC North, the Bears are in an even better position heading into their matchup with the Vikings next Sunday night.

After they snapped Matt Patricia’s pencil yesterday, here are my thoughts on their dub against Detroit.

Mitchell had his best game – I feel 400 yards coming soon: Bravo to Mitchell Trubisky. After hearing a ton of bullshit from critics (fucking Michael Lombardi) the past two weeks, 10 God came out on fire against the Lions. Tru put up 3 passing tuddies, 1 rushing tuddie, 355 yards and a 148.6 passer rating. I know some of you may think the Tampa Bay game was better, but Mitch just looked in command during this game. His decision making was the best its been. There weren’t too many errant throws and he hit his targets like a boss. I smell a 400-yard game coming soon.

Holy Allen Robinson: A big contributor to the Pretty Boy Assassin’s success was the dominant play of Allen Robinson. Ho-ly shit. He showed how valuable he is with 6 catches, 133 yards and and 2 TDs. This guy is looking like the Allen Robinson we saw in Jacksonville and it’s happening at the best time. Side note, I bet he’s SO fucking happy he didn’t go back to that Jaguars shitheap.

Our Outside Linebacker and Savior returned with a vengeance: I had Return of the Mack by Mark Morrison ringing in my ears the entire game because the Mack was back and he returned with ruthless vengeance: 2 sacks, 5 tackles and 1 pair of shit-soaked shorts from Matthew Stafford.

The Bears coaching staff looked even better for sitting Mack and Robinson: I want to give a big ass round-of-applause to the Bears coaching staff for resting Khalil Mack and Allen Robinson. They got the dubs versus the Jets and Bills and saved two of their best players for key games coming up. Had they both been sidelined for this matchup against the Lions, it may have been a closer game.

Sacks are back: Not only did Our Outside Linebacker and Savior kill it yesterday, but sacks were back on the defense – 6 to be exact. My favorite one to see? Leonard Floyd. FINALLY got his first sack of the season and it makes me happy for him. Hopefully he can use this momentum to stack up even more in these upcoming divisional games.

How about these takeaways: The Bears D delivered 3 turnovers yesterday and looked like one of the turnover-heavy defenses of the Lovie Smith-era. How about that Charles Tillman Peanut Punch from Prince Amukamara?! He probably should have let his pick go due to the bad field position it gave the offense, but it padded his stats and the Bears won so who cares.

#FireParkey: Don’t worry, I was gonna get to this. My God. Two missed extra points and two missed field goals. I don’t usually want to call for players’ jobs, but Cody Parkey has to go. Connor Barth even made all of his extra point attempts last year and he stunk. Parkey is getting paid great kicker-money and hasn’t been making the Bears their money back. Even if we have to cycle through a bunch of kickers through the end of the year by trial and error, I’ll take that over what we’ve seen from Cody Parkey.

Nagy’s play calls are insane: One of the best graphics from the FOX game broadcast was the sample play call from Matt Nagy’s offense. It made me respect all the guys on the offense even more for the mental smarts they need to have to master this offense. I couldn’t even remember the 2-word play calls we had when I played as an offensive lineman in Pop Warner and my dumb ass would never be able to remember these supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-length play calls.

Amukmara: Had Cody Parkey not played so horribly, we may have been calling for the jersey team’s job for misspelling Prince Amukamara’s last name. Amukmara just sounds weird when you say it. A-muk-mara. Doesn’t have the same ring to it. A-M-U-K-A-M-A-R-A.

It’s onto primetime football against the Vikings next week. It’s the Bears’ biggest game of the year and they gotta be ready to defend Soldier Field. But they’re fricken ready. BEAR DOWN.

After that crushing performance from Our Outside Linebacker and Savior, praise his existence on our planet with our tee from the Branded Sports store!

Chicago's Outside Linebacker And Savior Navy T-Shirt Front

-Kurbs

Featured Image: Chicago Bears Twitter

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