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Man’s Penis Severed By 10 Foot Python Snake While On The Toilet

A Thai man was rushed to hospital after a snake bit him on the penis in the toilet of his own home.

The three-metre python was reportedly lurking in the toilet bowl when it lept up and sank its teeth into the man’s private parts, according to Bangkok’s Daily News.

“I felt something bit my penis. When I saw the snake, I instinctively caught it with my hands so it could let me go,” the man told the newspaper. -Neil Murphy, DailyMirror

No big deal, just an average day in Thailand. Taking your morning shit, gotta be on high alert for a snake attack. If I lived in Thailand I don’t think I’d ever go to the bathroom. Sure my organs would all be struggling to survive, but at least my vagina wouldn’t get bit by a 10 ft python.

This is the 2nd time a snake has bit a penis from a toilet stake-out position in Thailand since 2016 so this guy was not at all surprised about getting his dick chomped by a snake.

“I should have been more careful. I saw a snake in another toilet in the house two months ago so I was using this one instead. But I didn’t realise the toilets could be connected,” he added.

Didn’t realize the toilets could be connected? Buddy, as far as I’m concerned all sewage pipes are connected. You see a snake in your toilet in Thailand, I’m now checking my toilet all the way in Boston just in case. I imagine the plumbing systems aren’t the most advanced over in Thailand but that’s common sense. You see a snake in the toilet in one bathroom so you just switch bathrooms? Nope. Time to move countries.

“This is all bizarre,” a rescuer told CNN. “I had witnessed snakes [come] out of toilets many times, and when they bit [it] mostly would be at legs or butts. Not the penis, this is the first time.”

I check my toilet every single time I go to the bathroom anyways. The scene in Spice World where the paparazzi guy sneaks in the Spice Girls house through the toilet taught me anything is possible. I can handle a small bald man but a 10 ft python? Nope nope nope.

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Luckily both the snake and the man survived but he did receive 15 stitches. 15 stitches to the peen seems like a very delicate operation. I bet he has to avoid getting a boner for a few weeks too. Double whammy.

Add Thailand to the list of countries I will never visit.

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