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Urgent Memo To Short Girls: Stop Stealing All The Coveted Tall Guys!!

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This is a message that I hope all the short girls hear loud and clear: STOP SNATCHIN’ ALL OF THE TALL GUYS. Every single girl wants a guy that’s over 6′ tall–that’s a stone cold fact. I have never ever in my life encountered a woman who, when presented with the opportunity, would prefer someone shorter than that. We want to look smaller, and one of oldest girl tricks in the book is to just always stand next to somebody larger than you.

Sure, this picture of Kristin Chenoweth and and Boban is ridiculous. It might top my all time tall/short person photo of Taylor Swift and Bruno Mars. But this is an image I encounter often. I see a tall guy, think “wow maybe I won’t be alone forever my prince tall guy is finally here”, then I see the wedding ring and go back to eating Chipotle on the couch watching Shark Tank (definitely not what I’m doing right now). And 9 times of out 10 the wife/girlfriend is a 5’4 blonde girl wearing all athleisure-wear, holding a 3 month old baby. Times are tough.

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Image: Rick Diamond/Getty Images North America
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Image: Getty Images

The average height of men in America is 5’9 which honestly seemed tall when I just googled it. The average height of the men on Hinge is 5’5–trust me I have done the research. There lies the issue. It’s simple supply and demand. There is infinite demand for tall guys, but only a very small supply, especially here in Boston and in South Boston nonetheless.

So there needs to be a complete change of mindset among short women if we truly want things to change. A 4″ rule seems reasonable. If you are under 5’5, you should only be allowed to date people that are 4″ taller than you or less. That would leave every guy taller than the average left for us normal sized women. Seems like regular natural selection. Anything taller than that is just excessive and unnecessary.

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Image: SBMF/MiamiPIXX/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES

It’s time for a revolution, ladies, and it starts with us. I know we’ve got a lot of other things to be worried about (wage gap, sexual harassment, basic human rights, etc), but this is an issue I’d personally like to bring to the forefront.

If you’re a guy that’s taller than 6′ (realistically at age 30 I’ve lowered that to 5’10), follow me on Twitter

@aliweitz

@barstoolbadgal

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