The Lakers Are Not Going Winless This Season Thanks To Kobe!

Last night, without Brandon Ingram or Rajon Rondo who are still suspended due to making Chris Paul their bitch, the LaKers finally got their first win of the season.

The game was really never in question and the Lakers led by as many as 27 points. This was a sight for sore eyes that have been waking up and checking my phone at 3am to see they lost and it’s because Lebron is missing free throws. Boston sports fans think it’s tough to have to stay up for all these World Series and MNF games? 90% of Lakers games have a 1030pm tip off which means I can usually only make it to halftime. Last night, that’s really all I needed.

The game was so out of hand that Lebron and Kyle Kuzma got to rest the entire 4th quarter and weren’t able to pad their stats. In a sentence I never thought I’d type, Lance Stephenson led all Lakers with 23 points in a blowout win.

Adding Josh Hart into the start rotation with Rondo and Ingram out gave him some extra confidence. After struggling for 3 games from the 3-point line, my personal M-JaValeMc-P  brought the swag back, proving big men CAN shoot.

The biggest star of the Lakers season so far has been the jerseys. It’s no secret the throwback 90s-00s jersey are my favorite of all time since I got it tattooed on my body. Drake even repped the retired #8 Frobe this week at his 32nd birthday party and I am concerned I am now jinxed by the Drake curse. JK maybe the Drake curse with my own curse will cancel each other out!


However, these bright purple statement jerseys the Lakers debuted last night are almost too hot to handle. Lebron may look like a purple people eater but the rest of the squad was making a strong push for next week’s Six Pack Sunday. I guess it must have helped since if you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good, you play good. And the Lakers done played good against last years worst team.

Image: @Lakers Twitter 

So without starters Brandon Ingram and Rajon Rondo, how did the Lakers dominate their first game of the season after going 0-3? Well, look no further than the greatest Laker of all time, Kobe Bryant.


Kobe was on Jimmy Kimmel this week to promote all the shit he’s got going on. In case you forgot he is the only NBA Champion, MVP and Oscar winner. Kobe’s new book Mamba Mentality is out, he’s got a new podcast called “The Punies”, and oh yeah he’s also coaching his daughter’s basketball team. But the biggest headline was that if the Lakers go 0-5, Kobe will put on one of those statement jerseys and unretire.


He immediately followed up with “just kidding” but Bleacher Report only showed the headline, so this is definitely all Lebron saw.

There is no way Lebron’s fragile ego would be able to handle sharing the court with a leader such as Kobe. He had to have seen this headline, let his kids finish the bottle of wine he was drinking, and drove right down to Staples.

I am not going to lie I may have been rooting for the Lakers to lose the next 2 games just to see if we could convince Kobe to get those German knees back on the court. But if JaVale McGee and Lance Stephenson continue to lead the way it’s going to be real easy for me to root for this team to win. 2019 or bust.

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October 25, 2018 4:28 pm

The forearm tat makes me feel something