We the people of Delco rep our towns harder than anyone else. If there were banners to be carried, we’d wave them proudly. We love our towns and fight hard for their honor.
House Stark – Marple Newtown
Beside being one of the northernmost points in all of Delco, Marple is the sober(read dry town) warring brother of Robert Baratheon. Marple Newtown kids have never had it tough, they grow up shooting B.B. guns and bow and arrows, just like the Stark kids, but when shit hits the fan trust me they step up to the plate. MN guys also tend to be trusting and noble and that’s MN’s problem, they trust other towns that obviously hate them. Let’s face it, if you’re from the Delco Houses of Lannister, Fray and Bolton, you abhor Marple.
House Baratheon – Haverford
The lifelong friends and companions of House Stark. From their playing days of Jr. Tigers football to their wild teenage nights of fighting, drinking and carousing, No one, and I mean no one can live up to the legend that is Robert Baratheon like a Havertown Teenager. From their fights outside the Skatium and digging up buried cases of natty in the parks they epitomize Robert B.
House Bolton – Springfield
Maybe this is just me but I swear I know four or five dudes from Springfield that could easily be Ramsey Bolton, right down to the creepy eyes. If given a prisoner, they’d reap unspeakable horrors on the poor soul. They’re not the King’s of the North but if given the opportunity they’d pounce on House Stark in a heartbeat.
House Fray – Ridley
If you’ve ever been to a youth sporting event you know why Ridley is House Fray. On their sidelines they’ll have tons of chain smoking dads in their 30s who look like they’re in their late fifties. Shit these dudes have been chain smoking since they were 11. They have a legendary disdain for House Stark(Marple) and would host a red wedding for them any day of the week.
House Lannister – Conestoga
The biggest douches in Delco. Funny story, their lands are in Chester County yet they force themselves on us Delco folk in the Central League. For a town so comparatively wealthy and for having such a high ranking school there’s too many teachers banging students and way too many rumors of incest coming out of that area. They definitely pay their debts but one thing is for certain, most of Delco despises the Lannisters. Shout out to the Berwyn Tavern and Berwyn Pizza though, places are great.
Dorne – Garnet Valley
They’re wealthy and far away from most of Delco but pretty annoying. For the most part they stick to themselves but when they do end up in a fight with a Delco guy, even when they’re outmatched they put up a damn good fight. Their braggadocios nature will always get the best of them and really shouldn’t be picking fights with bigger dudes.
House Tyrell – Bryn Mawr
Yes I separated Bryn Mawr from those whiney fucks in Radnor. Bryn Mawr is wealthy, it is beautiful and the people there are genuinely nice but not to be fucked with. They will poison your drink in a heartbeat if they felt you were a threat to their families existence.
House Arryn – Strath Haven
If ever there was a perfect fit for a house in Delco it’s house Arryn and the people of Strath Haven. They’re well off, they keep to themselves and yet they’re youth look so sickly despite breastfeeding way too long. Their soldiers kick ass(how many football state championships did they win in a row?) and yet we all know if they had a moon door(they do have that providence road walkover bridge) they’d be majorly hyped to use it.
King’s Landing – Media
They’re the county seat of Delco and by god is it not just like King’s Landing. There’s the poorest of the poor and the richest of the rich all in one town. Meanwhile there’s so many weird religions packed in one town too. Drive down providence road sometime and tell me why all the churches are on the Media side of the road?
House Targaryen – Radnor
Radnor is the wealthiest area in all of Delco, yet they’ve long been non factors in Delco for years. How many Radnor guys do you know that are whiny blonde fucks like Viserys Targaryen? Too many to count probably, yet somehow they still have the girl every man wants to be with, the Mother of Dragons.
House Tarly – Lower Merion
Maybe it was just my experience, but I had a buddy like Sam Tarly from Lower Merion. Nice guys who will do anything for a friend but not the bravest on their own behalf. Definitely a more educated bunch and hey the Homeland of Sir Kobe.
The Dothraki – Harriton
I once went to a Harriton party, it was so wild I left because I couldn’t hang. Legend has it that Harriton Weddings are the closest you will get to a Dothraki Wedding. Hard partying Crazy counterparts to Lower Merion. They can fight too. Harriton I tip my hat to you guys, I never could hang.
House Mormont – Aston
Who hasn’t almost contracted Grayscale in Aston before? Kidding. Aston has always been a conundrum to me. I’ve known strong leaders from Aston like the Lord Commander Jeor Mormont. Then again I’ve also known disgraced sons of Aston like Jorah, even at that I also know the ladies of Aston are a strong bunch who can definitely lead when called upon, much like little lady Lyanna.
House Grayjoy – Interboro
The iron islands of Delco. Tinicum, Folcroft, Prospect Park, Norwood and Glenolden make up this take no shit from anyone tribe. Hard working people from the shores of Delco. Their men are tough, their women are tougher. Tell me Aunt Mary Pat Disabatino isn’t Yara Greyjoy. Let me end with this: Erin’s pub has the best food in all of Delco.
The Wildlings – Upper Darby
Before I say anything: Best Pizza in all of Pennsylvania is Picas. With that said, like the Wildlings, Upper Darby is full of different areas. You have Stonehurst, Beverly Hills, Clifton Heights, Secane and Drexel Hill. Singularly they don’t scare you much but when they come together they make a powrful team. Somehow in Delco we all know a guy from Upper Darby with a thick beard, Southern Accent and a taste for thick tall blonde women, how that happened in Upper Darby, fuck if I know.
The Night’s Watch – Chichester
Everyone I’ve ever known from Chichester has seemingly been cast there from somewhere else. They’ll tell you they have no idea how they got there but thank god for them and their watch. Genuinely a great group of people who would give you the shirt off their backs. Don’t cross them though, because they do protect their own.
The White Walkers – Chester
We can all agree the wall is I-95 and for some reason it keeps us safe. What none of us can agree on is what exactly is over that wall. Gang warfare, ocean of junkies, drive by shootings: Who the fuck knows. What we can agree on is that News Stations won’t go there, Cars that accidentally make a wrong turn out of Widner come back fucked up and Delco junkies go in but fuck if they ever come back. I can only imagine there’s a Night King over there building an army of undead junkies.
Sports Journalist with an eye on being a sports talk radio host