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Tom Brady And Roughly 14.7 Million Others Rejoice: Julian Edelman Is Back, Bitches!

At 12:01 this morning (or last night if you had the extreme Sunday Scaries like I did), the squirrel saw its shadow and returned to the Patriots facility. That’s right Julian Edelman is back, motherfuckers.

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Flickr.com/ophis

As I watched the Patriots slowly suffocate the Dolphins from a football perspective–Dolphins are cute as fuck in real life–it really got me emotional. We haven’t seen Julian Edelman play real football since Super Bowl LI when the Patriots…well I’ll spare the details for Falcons fans, everyone knows what happened.

Tom Brady may be the head, arm, and face of this team but Julian Edelman is the heart (he also has a pretty nice face to go with it). When we’re in need of a first down, a 2 point conversion, or a miraculous fingertip catch, he is always there for us. You can have all the tall, young, fast wide receivers out there (I will also take all of their phone numbers if you’ve got them), but us Patriots fans will be just fine with Edelman.

At the time Edelman’s suspension was announced, I admit, I thought it might actually be a good thing. I definitely tweeted that I was happy he had an extra 4 games rest coming off that ACL injury. I thought we didn’t need him–the Texans, Jags, Lions and Dolphins should be pretty easy to beat. They had just came within minutes of winning a Super Bowl without him. But Old Takes Exposed got me on this one and that’s what makes today so much more exciting.

The Patriots have the rest of the NFL exactly where they want them. 1-3 record, doubters coming through the woodworks, with their most reliable offensive player back on the field.

Mike Reiss reported that around 7am this morning, the squirrel entered the building. A collective sigh of relief across all of New England lasted approximately 3 whole minutes, before the morning radio shows undoubtedly ripped Devin McCourty for giving up a touchdown in garbage time and for not taking Tom Brady out sooner. I didn’t listen because I don’t believe in getting up before 8 and because it hurts my ears, but I’m sure that was the narrative.

With a short week Thursday night game against the Colts on the horizon and a lingering Gronk ankle injury, no one is happier than Tom Brady is to see his #1 babe back in action.

“He has a big heart and makes the biggest plays at the biggest times. Any time you add someone like that it can only help.” -Tom Brady on Kirk and Callahan

At 32 years old coming off a non contact ACL injury, many haters are doubting how Edelman can really change things for the New England Patriots. Well, I’m sure you’ll all be tuned in Thursday night to find out. Bill Belichick hasn’t prematurely traded or cut him yet, so I’m confident he’s got at least another good year or two left. As long as he’s got that chip permanently glued to his shoulder, I’ll never count out Julian Edelman and what he does to this Patriots team. And if we don’t get Edelman mic’d up in this game, it will be a disgrace.

It’s finally that time of year again Patriots fans, time to re-murder the Colts. Apologies in advance to Andrew Luck since that’s the polite thing to do.

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