Go Buc Yourself: Bears vs Buccaneers Preview

Kurbs

The Bears are in first place. You’re goddamn right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that it’s only Week 4, but who gives a shit? The “We’re a Kirk Cousins away from the Super Bowl” Vikings lost last night, the Lions are the Lions and the Aaron Rodgers is literally on his last leg playing for the Packers.

And now the Bears come back home after a way-too-close win against the Arizona Cardinals to tangle with Ryan “Fitzmagic” Fitzpatrick and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

The Bears are somehow a 3-point favorite to win at home against the surging Bucs. In a game I thought would be more of a gimme when the schedule was released earlier this year, now Tampa is a team I’m a little worried about.

But guess what? Fitzy hasn’t faced The Mack yet and his shit is about to get rocked.

Without further ado…here is my preview for this Sunday’s matchup between Da Bears and those dirty pirates from Tampa.

Prove Fitzmagic is fake: Not gonna lie, I always thought magicians were pretty damn weird growing up. I never trusted them. They were creepy. And the biggest thing of them all? Their magic was bullshit. The Bears need to come in Sunday looking to prove to the league that this “Fitzmagic” talk is bullshit. Sure, it was fun while it lasted, but it’s time for the Bears to reveal the Fitzmagic trick and end this magician’s hoax of a gig. I do respect 11 tuddies, 1,230 yards, a 70.3 completion percentage and 124.8 QB rating…but this shit has gotta stop.

Fitzpatrick
Image: Mark LoMoglio/AP

Defense gotta defense: The Bears defense is turning into a scary, nasty behemoth for the NFL to deal with. Khalil Mack is making QBs piss their pants in their sleep the night before the game. Roquan Smith is flying around the field like an Elon Musk-made rocket ship and the defensive line rotation of Akiem Hicks, Eddie Goldman, Jonathan Bullard, Roy Robertson-Harris, Aaron Lynch and Leonard Floyd is swarming backfields with vengeance. All of this and more is going to be needed against the Buccaneers, who are averaging 34 points and over 473 yards of offense per game. As I said above, the D will have to bring Ryan Fitzpatrick back to earth and the secondary will have to be on its A-game against the likes of Mike Evans, DeSean Jackson and Chris Godwin.

Defense-Arizona
Image: Chicago Bears Twitter

Let’s ACTUALLY take advantage this time: I wrote last week how the Bears offense had a chance to go off against a lowly Cardinals defense then ate shit for my words when Nagy’s crew only put up 16 little points in their W. This week, the Bears offense gets another crack at a shitty defense that has given up an average of over 433 yards a game. However, as much as I want to say that Trubisky will finally have a breakout performance and that the ball will be spread out to Robinson, Gabriel, Burton and the gang, I just can’t after last week. Godddddd I hope they take advantage this time…

Take this shit over: The Bears have a real chance to make a statement to the NFC North by winning this game and going 3-1. They already have a leg up on the purple and yellow dudes from up north who lost to the Rams (my Super Bowl pick) last night and you bet your sweet ass I will be rooting for Josh Allen to somehow beat out Aaron Rodgers. I’ll also be pulling for fellow Branded guy Kmess’ Dallas Cowboys to beat the beard off of Matt Patricia’s Lions. No matter how the division does, the Bears need to sack up, get a win and let their neighbors know that first place is their territory.

Image: GIPHY

Jameis is back: Side note, in the middle of this crazy noise being made by Ryan Fitzpatrick, Jameis Winston will be eligible to return from his 3-game suspension when he rolls into Soldier Field on Sunday. Don’t remember why he was suspended? Allegedly, Winston groped an Uber driver back in 2016.  And with that, the NFL’s investigation found that there was enough evidence to suspend the former FSU star for violating their Personal Conduct Policy. I’m sure as fuck that he didn’t think Fitzpatrick would be tossing up freak numbers, but who really did? I feel like Jameis is a guy who will be rooting for his teammate Fitzy to suck ass so he can get out there and play. Then again, the Bears could just offer up free crab legs and get Famous Jameis onto the field. Remember that…

Image: GIPHY

First noon game!!!: Doesn’t really have much to do with the game itself, but damn do I love Bears noon football games. Nothing better than doing some day drinking in sweatpants and watching the Bears beat some ass. Sure, I’ve loved the two primetime games we’ve had already, but I love me a good nap after taking in a Bears win at noon. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Image: GIPHY

My prediction: Bears 28, Bucs 21. Although Fitzmagic has been pretty hot the past few weeks, I think the Bears get it done with some bruising defensive play and some help from Trubisky and Co. But, it’s going to be close and the Blue & Orange gotta respect what this team has been doing to start the season.

Follow my noon game shenanigans on Twitter and Instagram @ekurbyun.

-Kurbs

#ForTheBrand

Featured Image: Chicago Bears Twitter

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