A Beginners Guide to Guys on Sliding into DMs (written by a woman)

Murt 1

Alright, so I’m just going to be up front with all of you as a female. Men, when you “slide into” someone’s DMs, do you actually think about that opening line or do you just go for the kill? I’m happily engaged and although I still get DMs sometimes (which I never answer), I often wonder if there ever was a “How To” for men on proper direct messaging technique because I gotta be honest, some of you really suck at it.

I was single once and would constantly get DMs that just made me fucking laugh so have no fear, I am going to help you successfully slide into someone’s DMs.

In order to successfully slide into someone’s DMs, you need to have a certain level of “suave” as I like to call it. Keep in mind that Instagram is a lot more superficial than most social media platforms, so don’t get discouraged. Be confident but don’t be a cocky asshole either, otherwise the block will become your best friend.

1. Be Real With Yourself

Someone with 200k plus followers is most likely not going to view your DMs and most likely are getting swarmed with them on a daily basis. Make sure the person you’re trying to talk to is on the same level as you.

2. DO YOUR FUCKING RESEARCH

Guys, I cannot stress this enough. Do not, I repeat DO NOT send a message to a girl saying something completely stupid like “hey mamacita” unless her IG name is MAMACITA. Most likely she’s going to think you’re a creep and not respond to you. Before you message a girl, check out her feed. Find out what her interests are. “Oh look she has a dog….I HAVE A DOG. We can have a dog party date!”…. “Oh wow she goes to a lot of hockey games….I love hockey. We could talk about hockey!” It’s really NOT that difficult.

3. When in doubt, send a GIF

GIFs are the thing nowadays. They break the ice in conversations especially when you aren’t sure what to say. For example, if you see a girls IG profile is private, but she has the hottest effing profile pic and you still wanna message her, send her a funny yet playful GIF. There are RULES of GIF sending though. Do not send anything inappropriate, racist or immature on the first GIF send.

4. Don’t be someone you’re not

Be yourself. Don’t try to act like something you aren’t just because you’re conversing through your phone screen. If you tell a girl you’re this big shot and then she meets you and you’re a manager at Chik-Fil-A, the only thing she will really benefit from is a really good chicken sandwich.

5. DO NOT TALK SEXUAL OR SEND DICK PICS

Yes, boys do this and think it’s going to work. Guys-I am here to tell you, it doesn’t work. I’m so happy I am not single anymore for this exact reason. Do not message a girl asking her if she spits or swallows. Do not message a girl asking her to show you her tits. Do not message a girl a pic of your gross looking penis. Just don’t do any of these things or anything like this at all or you’re going to be single the rest of your life and no one will like you.

6. Make sure you come off interesting to her

Usually before the exchange of many DMs, the girl will check out your Instagram page to see if you are even worth answering. She will send it to her girl friends and they will all come up with a rating system. They will check to see if you’re hot. They will check to see if you’re married or have kids. They will most likely go back pretty far on your page to check for any warning signs that screams “NO FUCKING WAY” before they respond back to you. This is how the woman’s brain works. We are very analytical creatures and we need data before diving in. With that being said, if your page is filled with you being a player or doing nothing with your life except getting drunk and throwing up on yourself, you’re most likely shit out of luck. Don’t be that guy who looks like he’s never had a beer or a date before.

If you follow my rules, I guarantee you will snatch up the woman of your dreams. If you don’t follow these rules, you’ll most likely be the talk of her and all her girlfriends for a few days.

As always, you can thank me later.

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