Nick Saban is hands down one of the greatest college football coaches of all time. He has a career record of 218-62-1 in college, 13-9 in bowl games. Saban has won six national championships, one with LSU and five with Alabama. He as also won seven SEC championships and has been voted coach of the year four times. Nick Saban is just a winner.
But Nick Saban is also… An Alien. After extensive research by Agent J (JPopo07) and Agent K (kmess22) the determination has been made that Saban is from another planet. (I really hope you get the Men in Black reference.. If not please do yourself a favor and watch the movie immediately.)
In the MIB movie they explain to us that aliens are living amongst us everyday. However Saban is no ordinary run of the mill alien. He hails from a planet that produces an army of massive football running backs. Him and his running back alien army have come down to earth to wage war on poor little “regular size” college football players.
Don’t believe me? Here are just a few examples of the Saban RB Alien Army.
1. Saban didn’t want to be too obvious at first. So he brought down a “normal sized” alien to Alabama. A 5’9, 215lb RB “from New Jersey” Mark Ingram. In his career at Alabama he ran for 3,324 yards and 42 touchdowns. He won the Heisman Trophy in his Sophomore season, also capped off by winning the National Championship. He dominated in college before going onto the NFL where has as already been a two time Pro Bowler.
2. While still having Ingram on the team, Saban brought down his second alien running back from the alien running back Army. This time he went just a tad bit bigger with the 5’9, 225lb RB “from Florida” Trent Richardson. Richardson ran for 3,243 yards and 35 touchdowns while at Alabama. Adding two National Championships and an SEC offensive player of the year. Not all aliens have longevity however, Richardson’s NFL career was a dud and he is currently playing in Canada.
3. Next was an even bigger model. The 5’11, 250lb RB “from Louisiana” Eddie Lacy. Lacy ran for 2,402 yards and 30 touchdowns at Alabama. He brought three National Championships to The Tide. The Alien started hot in the NFL winning the offensive rookie of the year, making the Pro Bowl and second team All-Pro in his rookie year. Then Lacy discovered junk food and his career has fallen flat.
Eddie the Alien just stomped on my Fighting Irish all night in the National Championship.
4. Now Saban just didn’t care anymore and he brought out the big guns. He wanted to test a bigger, stronger alien running back this go around. I give you the 6’3, 247lb RB “from Florida” Derrick Henry. Henry is a straight monster. He ran for 3,591 yards and 42 touchdowns at Alabama. Henry also added a Heisman Trophy, a National Championship and an SEC offensive player of the year. Henry is about to take over as the starting RB for the Titans in the NFL.
Also see Henry making fellow Alien Army RB Mark Ingram look like a baby:
Also… Alien sized Henry next to normal sized human NFL RB Deion Lewis:
5. Finally I give you the next massive RB from Saban’s Alien RB Army. The 6’2, 235lb RB “from Alabama” Bo Scarbrough. Before I go forward this was Bo in high school:
I mean come on.. He didn’t have as good of a career at Bama as the other Aliens due to injuries. He ran for 1,512 yards and 20 touchdowns. Bo was just drafted by my Dallas Cowboys, and I am very excited to see his NFL potential.
Saban has Najee Harris (6’2, 227lbs) and Damien Harris (5’11, 211lbs) on the current Alien RB Army roster.
Nick and Alabama just keep winning because of their Army of Aliens. I feel that the NCAA needs to do a full investigation into the program and Mr. Saban immediately to make sure we keep college football for our human student athletes.
-Kevin “That Guy”
Yup... I’m that guy