32 year old Wayne Rooney had an absolutely BEAUTIFUL play to DC United snag a win over Orlando City. It was ridiculous.
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) August 13, 2018
Now, let me be honest with you. I’m not really a soccersman. I watch soccer once every four years when the World Cup rolls around just like 90% of the rest of the United States. I don’t hate soccer, I just prefer other sports.
Now that the World Cup is over, I was back to not really paying attention to soccer – until I woke up to this savage play by Wayne Rooney.
Let me start out by saying, I thought Wayne Rooney was at least 42. Those Brits don’t really age well. I mean, how could you age well when you’re in the pub getting wasted and beating the shit out of each other by the time you turn 12. It’s a different world over there.
Either way, this play is ridiculous at age 32. It’s honestly unreal at age 22.
Wayne’s closing speed to get to Will Johnson (the dude with the ball) would make Usain Bolt blush. It almost looked fake – like a FIFA glitch or something.
Speaking of FIFA… I have the most intense love/hate relationship with FIFA ever. When it’s good, it’s great. When it’s bad, it honestly couldn’t get worse. I’ve broken countless PlayStation and XBOX controllers, as well as desks, dressers, and various other items that were within reach at the time.
Anyway, Wayne is fast AF. Then, the tackle. I don’t know how that wasn’t a penalty. I thought it was clean, but I’ve seen way softer tackles earn at least a yellow card.
After he made Will Johnson his complete and total bitch, he served up the prettiest dime I’ve ever seen. He was like a mile away from Luciano Acosta and put the ball directly on his head for the G.
Usually when players come over here to play for the MLS, it’s because they started to suck in Europe. Apparently Wayne Rooney is the exception to that rule. Dude is a baller.