Welcome to a new segment we are starting here at Branded, “Story Time With Papa Ru”. I have lived an illustrious life. Things I can’t explain, things I try not to explain. I without a doubt am positive that if there is in fact a heaven or a hell, I am first ballot hall of fame hell worthy. With my first of many stories here is the time I got myself involved in a pyramid scheme.
Where to begin.. It was the summer of 2014, I was helping run a General Nutrition Center, playing mens league roller hockey and having a lot of fun in general. Money was no issue however I would do anything to make a quick buck. I thought the quickest way into a woman’s pants was to be rich, but now I know that was not the case the quickest way into a woman’s pants is to lie. I was younger in those days and didn’t understand how we as men are smarter and mentally dominant over the female race. It would only be a few weeks into summer when an offer to make a quick buck was brought to my attention, skeptical at first I listened.
A friend on my men’s league roller hockey team called “The Boyz” (With a Z) we will call him “Dick” to protect his identity. Dick told me about this wonderful business opportunity called “Vemma” or “Verve” energy drinks which stood for “Vitamins Essential Minerals Mangosteen Aloe” Apparently the mangosteen cures cancer, we will get into that later. I said Dick How does this work. Dick explained how you buy these drinks, get other people to buy these drinks and they get people and you start a downline or some shit but you make thousands. I didn’t fully understand so Dick told me to come to an “Event” at his house. These events went like this
You would invite friends to these events and people in this drink selling system would tell you about the drink and how it cures cancer and aids (everyone apart of the drink system had aids because they all had unprotected anal sex with each other and a girl named Maggie) Everyone would watch these videos sign up and get more people to the next event. The first event was very odd.
Event One: Two young men who have been successful in this business stood up front and gave a speech and told us exactly how Vemma worked. The nuts and bolts of it was this. Person 1 gets someone to buy $500 worth of these drinks, and then they get another person to buy $500 of these drinks and so on a so forth, every time someone under you signs up you make money. I asked a simple question, do we sell these drinks in stores? No they said. Do we sell just the drinks? No, you just get more people to sell the drinks to other people who will get other people to buy the drinks to sell them. I asked ok well what does the Vemma stand for anyway. This cock sucker looked me dead in the eye told me everything it stood for and without even a slight hesitation said “The mangosteen actually cures cancer in most people”
What a fucking ass hole!.. I was in! I knew this looked weird, so I was nervous about signing up, when more of my good friends I say again GOOD friends told me not to worry we were going to get tons of sign ups and make tons of money. So Dick and some of my other friends also named Dick, convinced myself and two buddies to join under the group of our friends who already joined. I paid my $500 right before event number 2.
Event Two: More people showed up. We had a huge gathering of people it looked very promising. We were going to get more suckers to jump in this horsheshit and my other two buddies who joined with me at the last-minute were excited for white Yacht parties and retiring at 30. One of the top earners showed up to this one. He wore a white V neck, with tight acid wash jeans and had about 48 bracelets on each wrist. I turned to a friend and said “This guy is legit” I was pumped! We were going to get a ton of sign ups that night, I was going to make my $500 back times five! He got up and started talking and said how much money he makes and how cool it is and how many new cars he got from it and people were starting to get into it, and then people started asking questions. This bracelet wearing, V-Neck rocking, piece of shit pig fucking bum answered everything by saying “Thats fire bro, good question, fire” Then just moved onto a new question.
I started looking around at people’s faces. The people who were going to sign up under me. Make me my money back, make me rich, help me get white yacht parties and enjoy my life. They all collectively just looked blankly at this grease ball dick head like he was crazy, just everyone confused. He was like a robot programmed to say “Fire” and have on 98 bracelets at one time. I did not panic though, I still thought i was going to make a shit ton of cash.
A few more weeks went by and my second shipment was paid for, another $500 out of my pocket, total earnings so far $10. Event number 3 was coming up. This one had over one thousand people at it. It was in Philly, most of the people there were already in Vemma. I was excited. It was going to be a big pump up, get you excited to go out there and sell. Myself Dick, and Dick, and Dick and my other buddy who was at the bottom of the pyramid with me all got up at 6am and got on the train and headed on over. I didn’t know at the time but we were going to be in a 4 hour dick sucking show of the top performers in our area. People would get on stage and pull their pants down, take thier dicks out and suck each other off until completion for 4 hours. I never seen anything like it. Once we arrived I started to realize I was fucked.
We got there and Dick told us about the night before, he arrived with the cunt who told us this shit would cure cancer. This jamoke was apparently making 10k a month from selling these cancer cures and when they arrived at the parking garage he told Dick to give him 5 minutes to call his dad so he could put some money in his bank account. After an argument with his dad he asked Dick to pay
I heard this story and my heart dropped. He had been lying the whole time. This entire thing was a scam for the people at the top to keep making money off of dummies like me. The entire time I thought i was going to scam people and earn cash the easy way but I did not know I was the easy cash being earned. So I sat there, 4 hours.. 4 long cruel hours of one dick being sucked after the next, and this one girl Maggie who had her dick sucked the most. This one guy got up there named Chad Kalamazoo and they gave him fellatio all at once. I left this event in horror.
Over the next few days I had spoken with my two buddies at the bottom of the list. Our friends who got us into this were all profiting basically off of us three being in. We however had lost over $1000 at this point. The events went dry. Nobody seemed to help and we quit. Shortly after we quit, the three Dick’s that got us in all quit as well before they lost money too. It took me awhile to become myself, to talk about it. When they say rape victims blame themselves and have a hard time moving on, I know understand that being one myself. I would however recover and I have made it my life’s mission to have revenge.
Some say it’s all fun and gets a good laugh when you say out loud you’re going to kill those responsible, but I will. I will have my revenge one day not money or cars or fancy things. I will hunt down everyone who got me into that mess. I will throw them in a giant field with trees and mud and rivers, and I will hunt them. I will make a game out of it and the only energy they have will be their own Vemma drinks. That is the only thing they will have to keep them going. I will find them all like god damn predator and they will fall at my hands.
“I will have my revenge in this life or the next” -Maximus Aurelius
Let me wobble back to my corner, Joe Pa knew.