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Can We Make Gender Reveals Illegal?

Another day, another gender reveal gone terribly wrong. This time we have a beautiful fireworks show that turns into a scene from Saving Private Ryan in the blink of an eye.

IT’S A GIRL!!! WOOOOOOO. OH SHIT RUUUUUNNNN!!

Good thing it’s a girl too because Nana took some shrapnel and I don’t think she’s going to recover from this one. We need to stop these ridiculous parties, they never turn out cool or exciting. Even if everything goes according to plan and the redneck dad shoots the clay pigeon, it explodes pink and everyone cheers. There’s nothing cool about that because no matter the color you’re going to lose your shit. It’s your kid, blue or pink, you have to play if up for the cameras even if you aren’t totally excited. Unless maybe you’re having your third kid and you’ve been saying your prayers every night but when you open that box….BOOM God hands you little girl #3.

That’s a tough one Gordon, leg looks great though.

So I beg you America, stop with the gender reveals. The body count is mounting, you can’t be a new dad if you’re dead. Or if you crush one of your other kids in the process. Let’s put an end to these.

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