Air Force One is getting a new paint job

President Donny Trump wants to paint Air Force One red, white, & blue.  And I only have one thing to say about that…

Air Force One is the most patriotic airplane in the sky.  So why shouldn’t it look the part?  If you’re a redneck, your truck HAS to be jacked 3 feet off the ground and have huge 38″ knobby tires.  If you’re Brian O’Conner in Fast & Furious (RIP Paul Walker), your ’95 Eclipse HAS to be neon green with dope vinyl logos all over it.  If you’re the fucking President of the United States, your plane HAS to be red, white, & blue.

These are just facts.

I’m a big America guy.  I got married on July 3 as to not interfere with America’s birthday.  I wore tiny red, white, and blue boxer briefs under my tux on my wedding day.  That being said, I am 100% on board with giving Air Force One a facelift.  The current paintjob dates back to JFK.  Don’t get me wrong, JFK was the man, but let’s be honest – the 1960’s paintjob is a little outdated at this point.

Trump to repaint Air Force One to be red, white and blue https://t.co/HCcJ71qccK pic.twitter.com/2aAGZOSI6v

— The Hill (@thehill) July 17, 2018

There’s only one way for Donny to get this done right.  He needs to get on the phone with Xzibit and have the boys from West Coast Customs pimp his ride.

I can hear it now: “Hey X to the Z, it’s me, Donny T.  My plane is already great.  It’s the best plane.  The best.  However, I need to add a little more pizzazz.  Can you pimp my ride?  I want to have the freshest plane in the whole world.  All other planes will be jealous of this plane.”

Here’s a few artist renderings of what Air Force One could potentially look like:

Are you kidding me? These are all so American, it’s unbelievable.  Absolutely love bald eagles.  Lady Liberty on the tail?  Jesus Christ.

The next question, of course, is who will be the pilot?  If you’re doing a complete facelift of the plane, a new pilot is in order.  There’s only one logical option for the new captain of the most American plane of all time:

And here’s the new crew:

Wow.  I can’t wait to see Air Force One’s new paint job and crew.  The room is spinning right now from all the freedom.

I don’t care who you voted for. If you don’t think that Air Force One would look better with a brand new star-spangled paint job, then you’re not a true red-blooded American. I’m sure whatever paint job Donny lands on, it will be patriotic AF.

DON’T TREAD ON ME!!!!!